resolve

it has been a satisfying weekend. i am rested and with the exception of a little cold i am trying not to catch, healthy and happy. looking forward to the new year. highlights of the past few days: talking to my favorite cousin (who is like a brother who just happened to grow up in a different house) who's overseas in the service; seeing how much my younger cousins have grown - not just in stature, but in maturity and personality, much like the first cousin i mentioned; seeing my grandma; my aunt's string beans; my presents; half-off the rental car plus an extra day to keep it; new cd's - i was able to pick up Hi-Five!!!; time with my parents face-to-face instead of over the phone; being able to give presents to my cousin's kids... i'm sure i can think of more, but let it suffice to say that i'm a happy camper and thankful for the holiday weekend.

on another note, i had a dream this morning before i started the day... so far as i can gather, it highlights some residual unfinished business that i have yet to resolve within myself. it also makes me more critical of how i deal with people in the name of being nice. sometimes too nice is too detrimental. when i compare the dream with my life, i see that sometimes i am willing to offer friendship and keep the peace and work on being comfortable with folks to a fault after someone has inconvenienced or hurt or disrespected me. sometimes you just have to sever ties. sometimes you need to get angry enough to change the way you deal with a person. forgiveness is great and prudent, but that doesn't necessarily have to include reconciliation.

however, i aim for reconciliation to be a theme in my life in the new year. i usually don't do new year's resolutions, but since i am personally in a spirit of renewal at this time of year, i'll play along. my resolution is, and i quote, "stop ackin stupid." in other words, if i know better, then i should do better. if i am able, then i should try. if i'm curious, i should find out. anything less is cheating myself, and that, dear reader, is stupid. i made a few promises to myself in the past that have been fudged and broken. that should not be. i am choosing to forgive myself, reconcile myself to my dreams and plans, and rebuild my own faith in my own trustworthiness and capabilities. it can happen, and there is no time like the present to stop ackin stupid.