because i tried

it feels so good when you set out to do something and then you do it. so, so good! my action is the difference between there being absolutely nothing in my bare hands and there being a warm, fragrant apple pie in my oven mitted hands. amidst a backdrop of soft snow falling, i gave baking an apple pie from crust to filling from start to finish. i'd been preparing for days. checked out a few different recipes. took the best suggestions from each. made sure i had all the ingredients i'd need. got my mind right. went to the kitchen and went to work. first the crust - mix, mix, mix, knead, knead, roll, roll, roll... flour all over the place. then the filling. peel, peel, peel, core, core, core (this was the only part i found difficult), slice, slice, slice, toss, toss, toss. then the artsy-fartsy part. trim the crusts, then pinch, pinch, pinch, slit, slit, slit. and the crowning glory, crumb topping - mix, mix, mix, sprinkle, sprinkle, sprinkle. *sigh.* then the waiting. and the peeking. more waiting and peeking.... and a little more. then finally, it was brown enough - pie-looking enough to take out of the oven. and what a beauty. i snapped the picture, then waited for it to cool. seemed like it took forever. and then, finally, i scooped a bowl of my favorite ice cream and went to cut a piece out of the pie.

i hesitated. what if i don't like it? what if all those apples just dried up in there? what if it's too sweet, or not sweet enough? i bet the top crust is too thick. i hope i left it in the oven long enough. hope it doesn't fall apart on me like a cobbler.

i shook it off and cut a healthy sized slice. the crumb topping was nice and crusty. the apples were surrounded by nice apple syrup that miraculously happened while the pie baked. i looked closer and could see the spices dancing in the wonderfully scented goo. so far, so good. i tried a small piece with a fork. leaned back against the counter and closed my eyes to enjoy the moment as the apple sweetness and tang flirted with the cinnamon spice in my grateful mouth. i did it! i made my favorite pie - and not only that, it was edible! and not only that, it was good!!! not the best i've ever had, but certainly good - something i would be proud to offer to a guest, or even bake as a gift for a loved one.

and to think, i almost missed out on it. because of procrastination. and worrying about whether or not i'd waste my time baking something i wouldn't like. nothing beats a failure but a try. and now that i've tried it, i know what to do next time to make it even better. but as it stands now, i am proud of my pie. i feel such a sense of accomplishment. i can bake an apple pie from scratch. and it feels good. i wonder what else i can do if i try it? i'm inspired to discover the answer to that question...