tiger's eye marble: so my dad wants to know why i don't have a man to call to help me get around and get my car fixed. i told him i'd like to know, too. he wants to know, what gives? i tell him i've dated this year.
red marble: somebody on a messageboard pushed my buttons thursday. was just sarcastic and smart-mouthed enough to touch the right nerve ending and provoke my unbridled venom. it was all i could do to refrain from outright profanity and namecalling... things i rarely do out of anger (unless driving). sometimes emotions shock me - i didn't expect that, it just kinda happened. but it was honest, and well, that's good enough for me.
yellow marble: my homie, that i met in high school, that was my college roommate, that was on line with me, that made me a maid-of-honor at her wedding, has gone away to live far away, and after our short farewell lunch, when i hugged her, i was sad. i know we can visit and call and email. but it will never be the same. change is good. she desires this move and is going to meet her destiny. the best thing i can do for the both of us is wish her well and release my selfish desire to keep her here. i did that today. and i'm happy she's leaving to find out what's on the other side of that horizon. she'll meet good things there, she'll be happy, and that will make me happy.
blue marble: i got a message on my answering machine. from some woman calling for some man who doesn't live here. i started to delete it, but paused when she expressed such joy at hearing an outgoing answering machine message, since she thought the man had died, and was glad to know he's still alive. she talked about a few people i guess they both knew, and explained that she was driving around, lost in the midwest somewhere as she made the call. i wished her well from afar, hoping my hug would help her get her direction and find it home safely. i felt sorry that she thought she'd found her old friend, who may in fact no longer be with us (since i have his phone number...)
green marble: i have two best friends that i've known over half my life. the three of us are crazy. and we like it that way. but we express our love for each other by being brutally honest with our feelings, including dispensing with all tact and formality. no room for tiptoeing. we give it and take it straight, no chaser. things that may lead other people to think we don't like each other much are really us saying, "girl you know you family to me and it's all love." but i still wonder if that's healthy. should our exaggerated sarcasticness and cattiness be a substitute for loving sentiments? words are powerful... hmm. time will tell. i would hate to lose either of these, my double dutch partners, my sleepover crew, my future babies' (fake) aunties, my sisters from other mothers... i wish us well.
purple marble: as i type this, my poetry family is breaking lyrical bread. wish i was there. but me and the roots and kanye and this blog and a blank page in my poetry book are making the best of a situation that i refuse to make the worst of.
clear marble: i feel good. cozy. the weekend is coming. . . long mornings to sleep in late. hopefully i'll have my car back by sunday. might drop by my best friend's church - i feel like being among the believers. people who believe in something are my kind of people. people with hope. people who dare to dream. i'm like that, whether my dream is to make it through a tough day like yesterday, or whether it's to feel at peace with your existence, your purpose, your Creator. i'm in that mood now. peaceful.