Tuesday, October 04, 2005

trying to get on the wagon

hi everyone, i'm glory.
hi glory.
and i'm a recovering procrastinator.

anybody got a copy of the twelve steps? i might need those things. like now. cause this procrastination is just so hard to break. one day at a time, my foot. more like, one half-hour at at time. one to-do list item at a time. one task at a time. this procrastination is affecting my life, seriously. my self esteem, eee-ven. i have got to get it under control and out of my habits for good before i lose my mind ( and a couple other important things, too). i have gone through phases of being either on-point with getting things done or totally out of control. and what little psychobabble i've ever heard leads me to believe that the procrastination is most likely the symptom of a bigger emotional issue. *sigh* which i suppose it behooves me to figure out. ("behooves" LOL, that word is out there...) i'll worry about that later. see? there i go again.

i am sooo on the i-can-do-it-myself tip that i ain't trying to get no professional help. besides, i'm cheap (and have very limited means). besides, i'll probably never get around to setting the appointment, anyway. LOL! i think the only reason i'm trying to deal with this problem now, after having dealt with it most of my life, is because i am facing a monumental task and i literally cannot afford to mess this up. i will need to pull procrastination out by the root to get this accomplished. i'm already starting a month behind schedule...

which means, i have to change my way of thinking and doing darn near everything as soon as possible. on my own merit system. *play western shoot out at fifty paces tumbleweed music here*

my mantra thus far, as i try to conquer this new october's resolution, is, "the best way to keep the stress from happening is to just get. it. done."

that's working. a little. a teensy tiny bit. because yes, i realize that the stress my procrastination is causing is hemming up my progress. it makes me seek out the least stressful situations and atmospheres i can create for myself (like a do-nothing and don't-worry-about-it-you-can-deal-with-this-stuff-later-weekend), and then i revel in that space, prolonging my return to thinking about and dealing with the stress of my obligations and responsiblities. which is why i was up late last night, handling business i should've handled during decent waking hours, missing out on sleep, cause it had to be taken care of and i didn't trust myself to do it right today. damn shame.

i might need to come up with some kind of reward and punishment scheme for myself. that's hard to do, seeing as how i am my only boss, so if i want to slack off, i can give myself permission to do so (and i often do, which is how i got into this situation in the first place). why oh why don't they have patches or gum for people who are trying to quit procrastination? i need some help here.

maybe i can find a self-help book. good luck going to the store, finding it, and reading it promptly...

suggestions are welcome and encouraged.