Wednesday, October 12, 2005


if moses, when he was standing before the god of egypt, was for one second distracted by the fact that he had spent half a lifetime as a mere country shepherd and not as a leader or as an orator, he just might not have been able to focus on his mission to tell the powerful monarch to let the israelites go.

and we wouldn't be calling harriet tubman moses, if she had allowed herself to get distracted by the fact that a black person was supposed to be inferior and incapable, let alone a woman, let alone a slave.

not that i am necessarily anywhere near as important to the well being of a people as either of those moses-es. but i'll take my lessons where i can get them.

funny how epiphanies follow the raggediest of times in your life. i suppose we receive them (or more likely, we are more open to understanding them) right after the raggedy moments, because that's what we need most in order to get our momentum back. i was just now sitting here, minding my own business, doing what i know i have to do to get from point a to point b, and it suddenly dawned on me that i almost forgot who i am because i am too busy allowing myself to be distracted.

*cue the celestial "aaaaahhhh" while clouds part, and one brilliant sun ray beams down on my grateful smiling face*

let me break this down. i am fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of the One who created me, and His fingerprints are all over me. now from the moment i got here, i have managed to make some mistakes. but at the same time, i know that all along, i have been watched over and nurtured with just the right life experiences to make me ME.

i am awesome. my very existence tells the story of the love of my parents. my mentality and my successes thus far in life are the manifestation of the love and attention of my mom and dad, countless family members, friends, teachers, acquaintances, pastors - they have all sown life lessons into me and have made me knowledgable, wise, multifaceted. they have encouraged me to express the beauty i've learned from the world around me, and in that vein, i have grown creative and loving. i have been blessed to be a sponge soaking up what good things i've found throughout this life, and i am enjoying becoming more of myself with every blessed breath. i am on my way somewhere, and not knowing exactly where, i have been learning through various experiences to hone my faith and learn how to trust the benevolent Force of Life to get me there - wherever there is - unharmed and better off for the journey. whatever faults i have and whatever mistakes i make are there for the fixing - i might have them, but i don't have to be defined by them. that makes me a real person. that makes my humility make sense. that makes me better understand why i need a connection to the Divine more than i need oxygen. and that knowledge and that connection make me strong.

stronger than what i've been going through the past few weeks. stronger than the distractions that have been thrown my way. stronger than i've been giving myself credit for lately. sensitive, yes - but flexible. fallible, yes - but amenable to change. i refuse to let these distractions - which will only amount to the size of a grain of sand in the vast beach of my life - keep me from my purpose. i could only articulate this just now, but my soul knew it when i got up from bed this morning, praising God and rising weightlessly because, for whatever reason, the yoke on my shoulders was gone. or maybe it is still there but i just don't feel it anymore, because i am stronger than these distractions. i am more valuable than i have taken the effort to remember in the midst of these distractions.

i love myself - where i've been, where i'm going, who i am, and that i am alive.

distractions be conquered. distractions be damned.