Thursday, October 27, 2005

steering wheel

it's like i blinked and ten years ran away, never to be seen again.

when i look in the mirror, i see a woman. what happened?

i can drive. i work full time. i pay bills. i am responsible for all the cooking and cleaning and shopping. i pay taxes. this is serious.

this is not an i-want-my-childhood-back post. i enjoyed it and it was great and long live the memories. fact is, just about everything i did when i was a kid i can still do. so i'm ah-ight on that front. my thing is, what now?

find a way.

make a way.

since i'm in charge, my life is a result of my choices. so if i get bored or unhappy, it is my job to make the choices that will change my life. if there's something i want, it is my job to go get it. i am the bottom line. that sure is a lot of responsibility - wow. but it's cool - i like that, cause with that responsibility comes power.

growing up i would watch adults trudge through life, complaining. complaining about their jobs and taxes and boredom and all kinds of stuff. i never understood that, cause i figured that an adult can do what they want to do. my parents told me i could achieve anything i wanted and reached for - if i could, as a child, then why couldn't an adult? i know now that just up and doing whatever you want to change your life is easier said than done. there are expectations, societal pressures, obligations, debts, blah blah blah. but i mean, really, wasn't joe clark right when he said all he had to do was stay black and die? in all things, be good and honorable and loving - don't trample over the integrity of other people. but for goodness' sake, take account for yourself! muster up the courage to take the class, or drop the job and look for another one, or get out there and start dating, or lose the weight, or whatever it is that's getting your goat. find a way. make a way. if you really want it you can make it happen, and if you can't believe that, then you deserve to live in the rut you've allowed yourself to get imprisoned in. you deserve the restless nights and constant worry and general malaise that comes from giving up and trying to maintain the status quo until death.

i only got one childhood, and i'm glad it went the way it did.
i only have one 2005 to live in.
and i may not get any further than my pillow tonight. (if i don't, tell my parents i love them.)
it's by the grace of God that i am living and breathing and typing this blog.
so i will choose, every day, to take charge of my choices and steer my life.

cause i'd rather not be like the majority of raggedy attitude having sheep. i deserve better. and so what if i don't? i'll seize better, if i have to. my Creator made me a dreamer with long arms and a strong grip. so i will keep reaching and grabbing.