Wednesday, March 22, 2006

my wife, continued, and flipped a little

in response to a friend's question - do i think, in light of what i wrote yesterday, that Black people don't believe it necessary to be coupled up, i wrote the following. it's embellished for you guys, though...

*this is an aside* last night i didn't feel well - had a horrible headache. but i still had to drive home. and i had the fleeting thought - i wish i had somebody to give this wheel to, so i could just ride home instead of having to stay alert and drive for 15-20 minutes... *aside over*

then i got home and thought, it would it really make a difference if i was coupled up? i would still have to work. i would still have to keep track and stay on top of my finances. i would still have to clean my house. what would change if i married? i would still be do-it-all woman. it's just that perhaps there would be more bills to be paid and more to clean up. conversely, there would be more hands to clean up and more money to get the bills paid. so maybe i could get a change in position from do-it-all-woman to share-some-of-it-woman. that's not too compelling though. the deciding factor is moments like the aside i typed above.

maybe i would still have my days where i would want a secretary to help me stay on top of things, but the difference is having someone to take concern for you when you're sick. someone to talk to without having to pick up the phone and hope your best friends ain't all boo'd up and too busy for you. someone to share the highs and lows of their life with you, and add variety to what could otherwise be a very self-absorbed existence. i'm introspective and wordy - i like to articulate things. so i'm fortunate in being able to recognize that though i CAN do it alone, it'd probably be nice the coupled way, provided i'm coupled with the right person. (even though i can do all these things... i need you... i do i do i do i do... said, even though i can do ALL... these here things... i need you... we need you... we do...) *sannng jill!*

but i think that some people, men and women, find a level of comfort in being the only person they have to take care of, and knowing that they are fully capable of doing so, and doing it well. and the prospect of being coupled seems either elusive or difficult or intimidating. so they get their wanna-be-a-hermaphrodite-on-an-island on, trying to be self-sufficient, telling themselves that that's the way to go and that love is for suckas.

let me let you in on something. i am fully self-sufficient so far as many things are concerned. i'm a baaaaaad sista. but i need people. i need my cousins and their families to get my nuclear family and maternal instinct on. (i just got clowned recently for showing off other people's kids in my wallet.) i need my philly arts scene to feel like i'm a part of a community. i need my girlfriends for the things only women understand. i need my homeboys 'cause... well shoot - i need 'em to admire and tease and dote upon and support and flirt with. no (wo)man is an island. without my ridiculous level of social interaction, i would be a very miserable (but congratulations, self-sufficient) person. and unfortunately, there are too many people in that position - pessimistic, mean, and anti-social. those are the people that believe we don't need each other. and they're right. we don't. not if we're content with being miserable as all hayle. the Creator wisely put us here for each other, and cultivates and loves us through each other's influential Creator-given gifts.

if i never marry, i at least have all the stuff i need to get by. self-sufficiency. communal love. but i'm not so foolish as to dismiss the value in coupling up. and i hope that more people come to realize that we need each other. stop walking around with our degrees and pay stubs in the air, talking 'bout some, i get my OWN hair and nails done. *shaking my head* we can do better. can we learn nothing from ossie and ruby, bill and camille, cliff and clair, tim and daphne, my mom and dad? O and XXXXXX? brother buck and his patient wife? anonymuse and amani? me and him (do you think i should name him)? bobby and whi- HAHAHA i just wanted to see if you were paying attention!

wishing you love peace and afrosheen/soul glo/pink lotion/sheabutter/whatever you people are using nowadays...