Friday, March 17, 2006

facing forward

i needed to hear a man's voice in my home tonight. tedd.y pender.grass would have been perfect, but nobody picked that cd off of my wish list, and i am on a budget, and the cd store is closed, and i have dial-up, so i couldn't even download him. so right now, i am spinning g.aye. (i love how, with the exception of the needle, we can use resurrected record player terminology, like spinning, for our round cd's.) i needed marvin because sometimes, like stepha.nie mills says, you need the comfort of a man. tonight i needed comfort. just because.

anyway, i need to make an announcement. i no longer have the time to commit to blogging daily. though i have the inclination, unless someone starts paying me to smith words, i have some other priorities that must now monopolize my time. i wish that i could write all day and all night to my heart's content, but right now, that's not physically feeding me, nor will it be doing so in the immediately foreseeable future.

my personal journal is stagnant. my poetic mind is getting overgrown and needs tending, but in some strange complement to the timing of this earth's hemisphere, my poetic mind is having fall, not spring - approaching the time for winter's rest, instead of hurtling with energy towards the lushness of summer. i also have a project to concentrate on - it's been hanging over my head for some time now. so i need to get my aquarius tendencies into gear and lovingly steer my pisces head out of the clouds so that i can get my focus on. i have american dreams to attain. dreams of progress, freedom, independence... see, i can speak like that, 'cause when you separate the message (liberty and prosperity) from the messenger (slaveowners, imperialists, and john-wayne-round-'em-up bullies), and if you remember that my people have loved and nurtured this land since before its inception, then you may understand my eagerness to embrace american dreams. and thanks to those who've come before me - freedom fighters and accomplished achievers - i know that what my parents told me is true: if i want to, i can make it happen, without my gender or my youth or my background or my culture being an impediment - in fact, in this country, i can use these things as strengths.

this post has become, strangely, almost patriotic. it's a funny thing, patriotism. until i remember that this country is my birthright. my people were natives here, living at peace with and living with love for this land. then my other people built this place - digging the ditches, paving the roads, and supporting the first crucial economy. i am now diligently ensuring that my promissory note gets cashed. forget reparations. i will just take my due opportunity as a citizen of this my native and adopted land. i simply refuse, in the memory of every ancestor whose back was bent before i was able to walk straight, to accept rejection in the name of insufficient funds.

it's not just in their honor that i aim to stake my claim, though. for my own personal edification, i intend to fulfill my potential, and shine my light so that others may see what the Most High has created in me. for my own personal satisfaction, i want to live a life that i deserve - a happy one, with no financial worries, which affords me the ability to be a good daughter to my parents, a good wife to my husband, a good mother to my children, a good sister for my community, and most importantly, a woman i can be comfortable looking in the eye on a daily basis. the measure of this woman will lie in how i seek and attain my Creator-given destiny. and i've learned over this past year that a large part of that will be how i use my love for communication and artistic expression.

there are parts of this journey that scare me. there are other parts that thrill me with their promise and potential. i pray for strength and focus and encouragement as i just keep moving and growing, trying to simultaneously get through and learn from the process. there are some times, like this moment, that i'm glad that g.aye is the only man in my space right now. i have so much to process, and so much growing to do.

so, family, please excuse our appearance here at glory-i-am. this woman is a work in progress and is under construction. for a certain period of time that is yet to be determined, posts will be less frequent. however, for your edification, here's a rough sketch of what may result from the inconvenience: a more balanced, more professionally accomplished, more focused, less aimless, less stressed glory. perhaps more thoughful. hopefully spiritually stronger. probably more self-assured. and Lord willing, a more prolific wordsmith, with a tighter delivery and a braver spirit. to expedite the process, the management here at glory-i-am suggests the occasional good intention sent to the Universe on her behalf. now, that "occasional" can mean sometimes or frequently - hey, do you - and please know that any and all support is sincerely appreciated. the management would also like to caution well wishers against disrespecting this growth process by trying to rush the Creator's work. to every thing there is a season, and we here at glory-i-am will respect that. in the meantime, please know that the management appreciates all of the readers, skimmers, and commenters. you are the reason management enjoys this blogging hobby and you also serve as inspiration to keep the supply going as long there is some demand.

peace to you.