Monday, January 30, 2006

point of view

saturday morning i decided that my arrangement of my bedroom furniture had to change. my birthday is coming up, and i want to be ready. see, i see my birthday like how people see new year's day. and i see the time leading up to my birthday like how some christians see lent (minus the ashes and the abstinence). got to get my house in order. so this time of year is always one of more concentrated personal reflection and conscious change. so i'm facing a different wall as i type this paragraph, and now my stereo is wafting ra.chelle fer.rell and wil.l from my left instead of from behind me. everything in my room feels new, the energy i feel when walking in has changed, and my old habits of movement have to change. when i changed into my pj's i went to put something in my dresser drawer - i turned towards it to find a bookshelf. oh that's right, i remembered. i moved it. the rearrangement is forcing me to shed old habits. to shed old energy and adjust to a new...

sorry, drifted off trying to sing both rachelle and will's parts. can't nobody tell me when i'm alone that i can't blow! (that's probably 'cause nobody's there, since i'm alone...) but anyway, where was i?

- adjust to a new pattern of be-ing.

my bamboo and wandering jew are by the window where they'll get the most morning light. the foot of my bed faces my beautiful angelic dancers framed on the wall. my head lies under the window - the sun will be my new alarm clock. and as usual, i have a big space for impromptu dancing - the kind i did tonight when i got home from my best friend's house. her (our!) new manchild is almost here, and we were getting the house ready. i love her, and i am so excited to see how being responsible for another person will change her point of view. i bet it will be more profound than what i get out of rearranging my bedroom. i'm looking forward to seeing what i can learn from this new person, too.

picked up a book at the store sunday. i made the decision to change my attitude towards food. again. the book explains vegetarianism. now, i have absolutely no intention of becoming vegetarian, for a few reasons. first, i like meat. second, it's not morally abhorrent to me to eat meat. and finally, and most importantly, i like meat. and i don't care that that's redundant. that liking meat thing is important. however, i have this fascination with the idea of goodness within, goodness without. i decided, in a dream i had over the weekend, that it would be better for me to plan my meals differently. instead of thawing out a meat (as the main element of the meal) and figuring out complementary side dishes later, i could reverse that, and think of meat last, or not at all, depending on my mood. i figure i'll get a better variety of nutrition that way, broaden my horizons, get more radiant physically, and set myself and my babies up for healthier lives... i realize that i could wind up eating vegetarian by accident, playing with my point of view like this, but i'll ride the instinct and see where it goes. of course this means learning how to cook differently and understanding more about what i'm getting out of the foods i eat - but that's where the book comes in. by the way, i ate a chicken sammich today. but it had lettuce on it... :-)

my body healed quite well after my fall last week. i'm thankful for my fall and for my little heating pad that enabled me to rearrange my furniture and get my laundry done... and to go to my poetry spots and to the party on saturday. the party went slow for me at first, and i was on my way out the door, until a friend of mine danced with me and changed my point of view. it's amazing how my attitude toward staying changed once i found a couple dance partners whose rhythms were in sync with mine (that is, on beat and not just grinding without regard for the music LOL!) i had a good time. and from this vantage point, i'm glad i waited until i was grown to go out seeking a good time. it's really something what i see from this point of view - all the heartache, all the dangers i avoided by staying true to my upbringing... thank God for my parents and my instinct and my faith.

i'm just trying to live as beautiful a life as i can. and sometimes, point of view seems to make all the difference...