Wednesday, November 16, 2005

when i miss him

i missed him yesterday. (the intended beneficiary of my "honey i'm home" letter.) i had good news to share yesterday, and i couldn't share it with him because he just isn't here for me to share it with.


i miss him at moments just like that. when i want to share my joy and i scroll through the phone book in my janky cell phone looking for people to share it with. and after i've called my parents and best friends and homies, and even exes i'm still cool with, and shared the good news... i still wind up feeling like the celebration is incomplete, because... sheesh, i don't know why i have this need to share such a moment with that special someone, but i do. that someone who would truly know and understand why my joy is such a joy to me. someone who'd know what it took for me to get there. someone who would congratulate me with a kiss. someone who might even sweep me off my feet into the hug that you can't get from parent or homegirl or homey or ex.

now that i look at what i've just typed, i have got to be the most melodramatic woman on this planet. it's really not like my joys are less joyful just because i don't have him to share them with.

is it?

shoot, i am doing the damn thang. self-sufficient. independent. surrounded by friends and family. leading a lifestyle that i like. making friends, having fun, enjoying my youth. truly autonomous and free in this my adult life. i don't need him to make me happy. i know this for sure. if i have to go it alone, that doesn't take away from this beautiful life i'm living.

does it?

of course not.
... of course not.