Tuesday, November 08, 2005

pros and cons


it makes for great poetry
the ability to be selfish at will
the freedoms...

no pressure to cook when i don't feel like it
the freedom to flirt at will
the freedom to sample all different kinds of men
strengthens character by reinforcing the need to be self-sufficient
no sacrifices of time or money necessary
no compromises necessary
no pressure...

no pressure to change or to stay the same
no being worried for someone else's safety or wellbeing
no wondering if i've settled for something less than what i deserve
no waiting for the other shoe to drop
no pee sprinkles on the rim
no fighting over covers
no snoring in my ear
the freedom to come home when i want without calling to check in
no constructive criticism on my cooking, style of dress, hair, choice of friends, or decision making
no rationing time to my friends and family
no struggling to be understood or to understand communication
a lower cell phone bill
no monopolization of my television
no pretending everything's okay so as not to cause worry
no enduring silly excesses of protectiveness
no patience with things i have to struggle to understand
no struggling to contol jealousy
no having to listen to someone else's problems
no feeling powerless in the face of someone else's problems
walking around naked without inciting a riot
no compromise...

no fighting for room in bed
no forgiving morning breath, belches, and farts
no witnesses to my morning breath or belches or farts
no having to hang out with other couples cause i'm too slow for single people
no unexpected surprises
not having to go through what others experience


missing out on great poetry
the other side of the bed is cold
always carrying everything myself, fixing it myself, making the decision myself
having to climb up on the counter to reach the top kitchen shelf
self pleasure instead of in house pleasure
no one to be as excited about my joys as me
no one to listen to my stupid problems
not inciting a riot when i walk around naked
no spontaneous tickle fights or wrestling
no embraces on demand
no miscellaneous emails or text messages to make me feel thought of
noone yelling at the tv on sunday
noone to appreciate my food
having to put on a brave face...

flirting is accompanied by trepidation
first dates
deciding whether or not to give someone the time of day
no one to welcome me home or call home to or come get me if i'm stuck somewhere
no one to make me feel safe and protected (stereotypical and sappy, yes, but very real)
having to break up with people
getting broke up with
no compliments coming from the sincerity of one who already has nothing more to gain
no one to fuss at me about how i don't take the best care of myself
no security in knowing i'm in a good thing and don't need to entertain others
no sweet surprises
no ring and kids on the horizon
wanting to be slower than single people
no license to open this heart.

quiet evenings at home means being alone by definition
no license to open my all to someone who wants to see what's in this mind and heart
having to settle for flirting
having to settle for hope
having to put on a brave face to save face when the world makes this seem like a race
no in-house masseuse
no sharing dreams
living with the reality that this may be as good as it gets
those damned statistics
no cheerleader
it's a scary world out here
constantly having to pit my wisdom and patience against an understandable longing
not getting to go through what others experience

(happy birthday grandma and nadia...)