Wednesday, July 19, 2006

green girl outgrows clothes

there are times when i feel like the Lord just wants me to deal with my chronic impatience. today and yesterday are some of those times. i have exhausted more time and gas and energy and sweat than usual in the last 24 hours, and i have not been a happy camper. pick a moment - the moment i realized an expensive package delivered to me was knowingly delivered to the wrong person, and that i had no control over when or if i would ever see it. or maybe the moment i really wanted to be there for someone and i couldn't because i was obligated to do something else... or wait, maybe the time i had to really really relieve myself to the point where i considered relieving myself in the street... or the moment i noticed my mobile phone - my ONLY phone - had no juice and i had no access to my charger. or maybe pick the moment when i was held up for about five extra minutes on the way to work because of a road hog who insisted on driving in both lanes, or the minute i realized i was rushing to leave for work so fast that i forgot deodorant after my shower, causing me to buy a stick even though i already have three at home. maybe try picking the time when i looked at the sky and saw and felt rain, but had to go to three stores just to find one umbrella. which didn't keep my legs and feet from getting wet. speaking of legs and feet, maybe pick when a cramp seized my calf muscle so hard it woke me up overnight, and still is stiff today. or maybe choose when i bit into a piece of fruit salad before realizing that maybe i shouldn't have. and i'm having a bad hair day. and my sunglasses, the ones with sentimental value, are broken. i never have so many things go so inconveniently for me in such a short 24-hour period. people keep talking about some mercury retrograde thing. look, i don't know what it is, but it's making me nuts. i need a break.

i've been telling myself not to overreact to things. that all these things are inconveniences that will all soon pass and be remedied. that there's no need for me to act out and make situations worse. that it wouldn't be worth it to cuss out the folks who might deserve it. that some of this stuff is very much my fault for being hasty and allowing stuff to distract me. but you know what? sometimes all the good sense in the world is no decent match for full-blown frustration. all these things are happening as if annoyances have agreed to play tag-team wrestling - taking turns burning up my energy and time. it's hard to be reasonable when you feel like every step you take in any direction is liable to wind up in some doo doo. i could soooooo relate to the incredibl.e h.ulk over the past days. i so wanted to choke that man who giggled at me at the carrier for my package when they told me that yes, they had messed up, and wow, that sucks for me. i so wanted to cause him bodily harm. or at least to cut him to the quick with something scathing from my lips. and after i'd held onto my hometraining and left the store with my dignity intact, i got mad with myself for being non-confrontational and not venting my frustration.

but now, i am writing. all isn't well with the world, but it's a little better. i'll get phone access back at lunch. my carrier is supposed to be getting my package back, and if they don't i'll just do what I have to do to get what want, no less blessed just because of the inconvenience. i woke up in the comfort of my pleasantly cooled home, after a comfortable sleep, and had the health and means to get to work and earn some money. all that other stuff is just other stuff. i might have a popsicle with lunch.