Monday, June 12, 2006

written mirror

it's really nice to look up and be totally convinced of my own happiness. really, really nice.

and it's really nice to have every diary i've ever written since i was little, to look back at, and rediscover the path from here to there... more about that in a bit, but,

anyway, communication is the best! the poetry slam i went to was astounding! the b-boy barbecue (at which no barbecue was served, but at which i still had fun) was just what i needed, and odunde the next day was great! there was a drummers' circle, plenty of vendors, a poetry cipher with some of philly's best poets, and fl.oetry performed live (what a treat!). i, of course, got some earrings and some scented oils... and a kalimba fashioned out of a gourd! i've been wanting a kalimba ever since i found out what it was from reading liner notes from wind & fire cd's. i'm in the midst of a writing spurt, and read my new poems for constructive criticism from my audience. plus i'm reading more often, comparing writing styles and the way novelists pull their stories together - i'm inspired to elevate my story telling ability, and i've been playing with ideas and building character identity for the people in my stories. also, this weekend, i got a chance to hang out with my best friend a little bit, and do a favor that made me grateful for my ability to help. i suppose none of this is all that earth shattering, but when i look over my life as it stands today, the way i'm passing my time, the company i'm keeping, the dreams i've been forcing myself to take more seriously and view as more attainable, i'm happy. even though when i look at the list of desired accomplishments in my diary i made when i was about fifteen, and i probably can't even cross most of that stuff off, i'm okay with that. i feel mentally healthy. no longer bound to fulfill expectations that are either not my own or which stifle my spirit. it's beautiful. i won't be trashing the list though. it's really cute, and it reminds me of who i was. and it paints a picture of who i wanted to be - the spirit of which still captures the essence of who i'm trying to be today. i'm not trying to become someone, i'm just trying to embrace and develop who i already am - who i've always been.

and it's really nice to look up and be totally convinced of my own me-ness. really, really nice.