i refuse to be apologetic for wanting to do what i want to do with my time. it's MY time. i can't get it back. once it's spent, it's spent. and after my scrrrrrddddd, the value of my time and other resources mean that much more to me. it's not because i have a lack of love. it's not because i think i'm more important than anyone else. but do i love me. and my time is more important to me than it is to anyone else. and that makes me no less a good person than the overwhelming majority of people on earth who feel exactly the same way. i will learn to say "NO" or "later" more often. i will learn honest ways to say, "i don't want to do that for you." and i will stop beating myself up for not being able to be everything to everybody. that doesn't mean folks can't ask me to do things. it just means that they'll have to understand it when, sometimes, i don't. or when i prioritize my own stuff first. or when i'm non-committal for a while before committing, 'cause i don't want to make promises i won't keep. i also want to be understood for my energy conservation. i will not expend energy when it appears to me that i will be wasting it. i'm still on the uphill/building/growing part of my journey, God willing, and if i'm blessed to have a long journey, i'ma need all the energy i can get. i will not be wasting it on lost causes or trivial problems that are not mine. i will not go above and beyond the call of whatever relationship i'm in just for g.p. i'm okay with that. i need my sanity. i'm black, i gotta watch my blood pressure. you people will not kill me - i won't let it happen. y'all better stop looking to me before looking to God and looking within. and (channeling forrest) that's all i have to say about that...
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