Friday, May 04, 2007

state of the glory

first of all, thank God for beauty. it is such a pleasure to be outside and to have so much sunshine. 'round these parts, spring was slow in coming, and i'm glad it's finally here. it is a joy to walk around the city. it's easy to forget why i came here while i'm shivering outside, walking behind my visible breath, looking over my shoulder for a late bus, trying to forget that the wind chill has pushed the air on my skin to feel like ten degrees below zero. but now, all is well. i'm squinting at this sunshine, unused to its blessing after so long, wondering where last summer's sunglasses have wandered off to lately.

and thank God for fluticasone propionate. F.lonase for the uninitiated. it's been my buddy every April and May for the past six or seven years now and it never lets me down. i can enjoy the season instead of dreading it.

i'm so thankful for so many things about what's on my mind, right now, today. it's the weekend in t-minus three hours. heroes comes on again in a mere three days. the black lily festival is going on - and although my broke getting-out-of-debt-and-calling-myself-saving-for-a-house butt won't be going, i'm STILL excited, because success this year means that there'll be another next year when i can afford it. i'm thankful that i get to go home sometime this month to get my bike from my parents' house in virginia ('cause i've been itching to use it to get around) and even more importantly, i'm excited that i get to welcome my soldier cousin back from iraq via germany, and see my brand-new "niece" up close and personal for the first time ever! then i get to get on an airplane for the second trip in my adult life and spend some time in what my beloved calls, "mudbutt, illinois" which is somewhere within driving distance of o'hare, for memorial day weekend.

i love changes of scenery! i love spring! i love babies! i love getting dismissed from jury duty! i love being in love!

this is totally a transition year for me. (something tells me that once i hit the end of this decade, i'll be saying my entire twenties have been a "transition decade," but i'll save that for the unimaginable future in which i can't fathom being any older than i am now.) i've been going through a lot of sacrifice and a lot of growing pains. for various reasons, i feel like my bonds with my friends are changing, and i haven't yet figured out yet if it's for better or for worse. i still miss my poet life - my underground philly soul adventures - but i know i'll appreciate it more when i get it back. i have daydreams about my own house and my trips to africa and the caribbean, yet i don't expect instant gratification. everything will happen when it is divinely ordered - i will HAVE when i'm ripe, i will DO when i'm ripe, i will BE when i'm ripe - when i'm ready. the longer i live, the more i understand it...

so i'm thankful for my challenges and changes and dreams, my strivings, my imperfections, my epiphanies, my inspirations. so much of it is God's molding of this woman He sees in me. i'm thankful because if i were stagnant, i'd be dead, a breathing zombie. instead, i'm so very much alive like the flowers and the blooming trees i see this may. so, like how the petals and leaves flourish in the almost blinding sunshine, i'm going to try to keep mindful of all these things i have to be thankful for.