Monday, May 14, 2007


i've heard the word godsend plenty of times before. i'm not going to take the time to look it up for a dictionary definition - we know what it means. so good, it can only be attributed to the beneficence, generosity, love, and power of the Creator. so treasured, that it's hard to take for granted. so awesome, the concept of miracle gains new meaning.

he is that for me - a godsend. i had not imagined how good love could be for me until i loved him. i had not realized in those other relationships, that the problem was not that my love was deficient - the problem was that i wasn't yet loving the one for whom my love was intended. the beneficiary of my love gives my love new dimension - i can see it as my love, fused with his own, is reflected back to me in his eyes. it comes back to me like my own warmth radiating under a blanket. his love holds me like that - safe, warm, and at peace. his love inspires me even more in my faith - i want to love him in my best approximation of how the Creator loves me. you see, it always leads back to the Creator. all roads of love lead back to Him. which is why i can't help but to thank Him for the blessing of sharing love with him. he is my godsend.

his patience with my faults inspires me to work harder on them. his intelligence and wit make me thankful that he challenges my mind to increase. his ease and honesty with me are like a refreshing inhalation of the most invigorating air. his kindness and tenderness towards me tame the defiant fighter that i sometimes put forth to the world. he goes above and beyond my expectations - he is exceeding abundantly above all that i have asked or thought for myself in those times of longing or self-doubt, or even in those moments of my most ambitious hoping. and i give thanks for him often. he is my godsend.

it's just that i didn't know it could be this good. i've loved and i've lusted. i've had crushes. i've felt affection so ardently, i just knew it had to be love. i've even felt rejection so hollowing that in my anguish, i thought acceptance would save my sanity. in my youth and inexperience, and in my vain imaginations, i've spent my money, my time, my tears, my self sometimes. no amount of relying on bits of wisdom scraped from here or there could substitute for the experience which eventually taught me to love simply - my self, my life, my journey, my faith - without searching for romance. no amount of positive thinking could turn a haphazard mess into a godsend. only God can send a godsend. only God could prepare me for a godsend.

i gaze upon his eyes and marvel at his smile when he's not looking. it stops me in my tracks, and i marvel at what my Creator has done with this man and with me. i am constantly captivated by how we harmonize. we make the kind of music that inspires your spirit to rise - the kind of music that infuses me with wonder at what God sent. peace. ascension. love.