think, damn it!

I am angry with many people's responses to this situation where Chris Brown was arrested for allegedly hitting a woman, who is reported to be Rihanna.

People have been saying that R did something to make her attacker beat her up. Unless she physically balled up her attacker's fists and busted herself upside the head with them, that makes absolutely no sense. If she somehow angered CB while they were in a car, his proper response would have been to pull over and leave the woman on the sidewalk calling a taxi if that's what it took to keep from going upside her head with a closed fist. Yes, some women are crazy enough to provoke a man and try to get him angry. And that is wrong. But even so, anyone with an above-junior-high-school mindset is supposed to have enough restraint to walk away and not catch a case.

First, the nasty rumor about why he hit her is a RUMOR. I personally think jealous outsiders made it up to malign one or both of them because they made a cute couple. Neither R nor CB has had much to say in public about this, so I doubt this rumor came from either of them - I distrust any other source. Second, if the rumor was truthful it STILL wouldn't be an excuse for violence.

This is killing me. A woman gets her nose bloodied and her lip busted by someone with martial arts training, and some people's first response is to say, "Well what did she do wrong to cause someone to beat her up?" That is DYSFUNCTIONAL and scary.

This aspect of our culture is what makes people ignore women when they have been raped or molested. And it's not just men, it's women being contemptuous against other women, teaching their sons not to trust women, taking their sons' side when they disrespect women by beating them, cheating on them, or abandoning their fatherly responsibilities. To justify it, they jump on the bandwagon saying dumb stuff like, "That fill-in-the-blank was messing with my son/brother/friend," without trying to be objective about the fact that the woman has a side of the story too. Men and women alike are justifying mistreatment of women because they're working with the stereotype of the conniving Jezebel - perpetuating the stereotype that women are untrustworthy, deceitful, and deserving of violent treatment. And then when something pops off, people want to look the other way, saying it's none of their business, or claiming "Well, we don't know what really happened." Funny how the same people saying we don't know what happened are the first ones to insinuate that it was the woman's fault - I thought we didn't know what happened! Both R and CB have a story, and it makes no sense to just jump on R because she's the woman, yet that's exactly what's happening.

I don't know what happened between R and CB. Hopefully, the facts will come out in court. And if CB actually did what the reports are saying he did, he should be punished. He's young and can get counseling and do better. He's a victim of witnessing abuse, just like me, and he probably needs the counseling. And if the rumors are true about R provoking him somehow, then she should get some counseling too.

We have to do better. I have to wonder if our communal focus on racial equality and respect sometimes distracts us from working on achieving gender equality and respect as well. We will continue to live in a climate that is dangerous to our mothers, sisters, and daughters if we continue to blame the women who get beat up for what someone else did to them of their own free will.

(I wrote another version of this rant in The Black Snob's comment section.)

how's it going

This is my 401st post.



Diva in Demand wanted to know how the year has been going so far. Here's my unabridged answer:



Well, so far, I think the patience lesson the Lord has been trying to teach me is finally making headway. But I got some ways to go, still. But I am more patient with my beloved, and less likely to obsess over things that don't matter. There are dirty clothes in the bedroom. I will wash them when I get home. When I feel like it. I can relate to Diva in Demand here.


Being in a new place, physically, is already doing wonders for my satisfaction with my life. I moved, and I have an office of my own, and my stuff is out of storage, and I can chill on my college furniture, surrounded by my inexpensive but sentimental treasures again. I just unpacked Humphrey, a bear I've had since before I could talk. He's been everywhere with me. And now we both have a new home. It's hard to leave home for work in the morning. I love the way the sun shines in the windows and the way the colors of the furniture and the walls and the floors make me feel warm and well and happy. I haven't felt this way in years, and I appreciate it so much.


I haven't made a move towards the healthier body I covet, yet, but my procrastination actually has a good reason. Next month's birthday will not come and go without that task being addressed. At my heaviest, I'd gained almost 20 pounds since I started college. I could afford to, because I was too bony and I wanted to gain weight. But not this weight. I've got non-muscular, slowing-my-metabolism weight. I want to wear a bikini this summer without being self-conscious. That will happen. I have to get in shape BEFORE I get pregnant, so that my baby can grow in a healthy body. And I will get pregnant. Not now, but soon enough. (That's my new thing - "soon enough.")


I opened myself to a new possibility regarding my career. I bet a lot of people are doing the same now. I have goals to meet, and the status quo is not an option if I'm going to meet them. To meet my goals, I have to make the money, period. Funny thing is that most of them have less to do with material gain than they have to do with peace-of-mind - debts paid off, savings in the bank, the ability to make decisions without worrying about how I'm going to pay for them. I think wealth will be a natural outgrowth of good financial habits and the pursuit of my talents. I probably won't ever be stinkin' rich, but I still want to at least smell a little bit.


I am still hitting snooze on my ticking biological clock... but not so much that I'm not making arrangements for my family a consideration in my current decision-making. It's coming...



2007 was a year of change, if I remember correctly. 2008 was all about fruition. 2009 is a different animal altogether. In a sense, I'm in a holding pattern - it's like the time between harvest and planting season. I gotta get my ground ready.

Interview

1. If you want to participate, leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.” (And your e-mail address, please.)
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

My questions came from Diva in Demand.

What is the one thing you regret most in life?

Not being more demonstrative with people that I loved and cared about before they died. It's important to me to try to keep up the ties that bind.


Tell the details of the most most memorable day of your life so far?

I was ten years old and attending a school I hated where all the other kids teased me. After school one day, I saw my parents were there to pick me up, so instead of going to the bus, I hopped in the car. That's when I found out that we were going on a trip back down south! My uncle was coming back from the Persian Gulf War and the family - all my dad's brothers and sisters, all my cousins, everybody - was going to be there to welcome him home. We decorated his house with yellow ribbons and went as a family to wait for him. My dad, who'd driven the farthest, even got interviewed by the local newspaper! And there was lots of food. And popsicles! I remember thinking, after we went to my uncle's house and I was outside playing among all my cousins on the swing, that it was the most wonderful day of my whole life... and then I got a monster allergy attack and it ruined the whole moment. It's funny now, but it wasn't then!

You're planning your perfect day.......tell us about it?

I am getting married outdoors to my beloved. My two best friends are my attendants. My grandma and parents and his mom are all there, in addition to a few friends and family. It's early autumn and the trees are beautiful, and so am I. My skin is clear, my hair is done, and I'm not carrying any water weight! LOL! I woke up nervous and excited today, I'm in a simple but pretty dress, and I just want to get to the part where he kisses me in front of everybody. We have the short and sweet ceremony, smash a little cake on each other, and then join our families in eating southern American and West Indian soul food. We are going on honeymoon to a quiet, non-touristy place tonight, with the security of knowing that when we come back, there will be no wedding debt.

The ship's going down and you can only grab 5 things before you have to get off and go to the island....what do you take?

A blanket, 'cause I can't stand being cold. My beloved, 'cause I couldn't bear to see him go down in the water. My bible, 'cause it'll probably be the only thing to keep me sane in the long run. Some food to tide me over, 'til I can figure out how to feed myself. And music.


The secret video is out.....who do you call first and why?

My beloved. 'Cause nobody else matters. We'll figure out what to do together.

rest

Do not sacrifice rest. It ain't worth it. I am much less effective in every area of my life unless I've had enough rest. Now there's a resolution for you, if you want one.

reflecting

God answers prayers. His spirit is generous and bountiful. His lessons are wise. His counsel consoles. Knowledge of His word can be the difference between void and fullness. His law is love. His gift is perfect peace. He is awesome and perfect, a sanctuary for those who seek Him.

It's been a good year, full of friends and family, lessons to be learned, and reasons for new hope and inspiration. I am blessed and looking forward to the new year. I am entering 2009 with gratefulness and a sense of purpose about my choices and actions that gives me hope.

If I have resolutions this year, it's to continue to set goals and work diligently to meet them, like I've been doing throughout 2008. It's to listen more intently to the Spirit's guidance, and be still and contemplative more often. It's to continually aim to be my best self, in mind, body, and spirit, for myself and for others.

I wish you a happy, healthy, and prosperous new year!

already

All the stuff that I want to do to have a better life in the New Year are things that I'm working on now. But you can only work on so many things at a time. So I'm moving forward, as time and energy and inspiration permit.

Coulda lost my life this past Friday. God protects. I am grateful for being alive.

Are transition periods real? Feels like to me that something is always in transition. Then maybe it's not so much periods, just a whole life full of transition. I'm just saying.

I'm not planning on traveling for Christmas next year. Period.

Why are garment boxes so hard to find?

Cashmere ain't all that. Really. There is no reason for it to cost as much as it does.

Why do men always come back? You see them. It ends. Time passes. Then they come back. They want to know if you can talk, if you want to go out, if you can help them with this or that. I don't understand it. I'm not one of those people who believes that it's best to burn all bridges regardless of the circumstances. In most circumstances, I'm always willing and able to at least be cordial, and depending on the circumstances, even friendly, with past paramours. Even if I didn't like how the dissolution went down, or if I was the one who broke it off. But I don't understand what it is about men just wanting to know if you are somehow available to them AFTER it's ended. They have all come back in one way or another - each and every one of them. Phone calls, e-mail, passing the word on through a mutual friend. Always. For example, when I was in college, my ex used to go by my parents' house to get in good with my mama. Is it in the man playbook, chapter thirty-one? "After it's over, check in to see if she'll take your call or go out with you or get back with you or help you with something or give it up one more time for old time's sake." I sometimes feel like Chapter 31 is really about starting a no-hard-feelings, let's-be-friends dialogue. Other times I feel like it's because the guy is going through something and he knows you have enough kindness in you to do what the girlfriend he wishes he had would do for him - listen and be a sympathetic kindred spirit. Or maybe other times, it's much less innocuous and really just selfish - he just wants to boost his ego by seeing if he still has an effect on you. I don't know. Men aren't all the same. Every human is motivated by different things. But anyway, isn't there a certain cut off point? Two weeks? Two months? Two years? I wonder.

I'm glad the holiday is coming up. I'm really looking forward to spending some time with my crazy-behind family.

I want to change my hair. I haven't decided how exactly. But it may involve some cut. And it may involve some color.

made me smile

I sent my Christmas cards out last weekend, and I got a text message yesterday from one of my cousins thanking me for the card. But that's not all my cousin said. He said that if I needed anything, I could just call. And that he loved me. And we're really not the kind of family that just goes around saying that all the time, so whenever I hear that, I'm happy to hear it. Warm fuzzies are the best for Christmas.

anchored

Sometimes it's like life is trying to tell you a lie about yourself. Like circumstances are there specifically to get you to doubt your own value. It's up to you to know yourself well enough to stay encouraged about who you are, what you're worth, and what you're capable of. Otherwise you could wind up lost and confused. Greater is He that is within you... you know?

ten years old

I was inducted on December 5, 1998 with fifteen other young ladies. It was the best celebration of my eighteen-year-old life. And the very next day, we had a chapter meeting. Our mama didn't play! I wish it was warm enough to wear my line jacket. I'd have been rocking it all week. I'm officially an old head now, if I wasn't before. LOL!

EE-YIP!
Deep Impact, bka Glory, 10GMFA98

dream world

Did you ever have a dream that just stuck with you?

I had a dream over the weekend that I'm glad I rode out all the way to the end. I had to know what was going to happen next! Even when sounds or movement would make me stir from sleep a little bit, I'd dive back in to stay in the world of my dream. My days, lately, have at least partly consisted of mulling over the story of the dream. I think I had it because of all the television I'd been watching - suspense, science fiction, action - it was really interesting to be a character in a story like that. So interesting in fact, that I've been writing about it. It started at my beloved's suggestion to write the dream down. It became a hunt for answers. Why did this happen? Why does that person think the way they do? What made these people tick? This thing has a life of its own. Will it become a full-fledged story? I dunno - only time will tell if I have the discipline to ride the writing out like I did that dream. But it is fun thinking about and writing about my story and my characters daily.

longevity

Tonight my beloved and I went to a performance by one of the special revue groups singing covers of an old R&B crooner group. I watched the men in their crisp suits glide across the stage with all their precision and finesse, the way they used to do in their prime for their audiences. They were really classy. We were the youngest adults in the room, (we were there as guests of an older couple) and I couldn't help but wonder: when the songs we liked as teenagers become golden oldies, will anyone want to see the likes of Blackstreet, Shai, and Jodeci attempting to hump the stage and rip their shirts off when they're in their sixties? I don't think so. Pretty sure about that one.

on time

I was just sitting here thinking about whether or not I am bothered by the fact that my next birthday will be the last time I turn twenty-anything. For years I've celebrated anniversaries of my 25th birthday. I might start telling people I'm older than I am, so I can be amazing for my age, like my beloved's friend has been doing. Ha ha. I don't know where the time is going. I just realized that it's been the better part of a decade since I graduated from college. Not high school - college. All my girlfriends are mothers, or pregnant. My biological clock is ticking, and I'm all up in the middle of a very frustrating nesting phase. I'm looking at my life and realizing that despite the occasional bumps and hiccups, I am very happy.

He fits into my life well, and when I woke up this morning, I thought about how there was no one in the world I'd rather see all sleepy-faced beside me. He allows me to love him shamelessly and sloppily, grown and child-like, and all without making me worry if I was giving him too much. You know how some men do. You get too sweet on them and they get uncomfortable or push away. He is a breath of fresh air. I can be my silly, nerdy, selfish, giving, righteous and contrite self with him - it's so alien to me after all those years I spent in the wilderness, that I don't quite know how to act here in the land of milk and honey. And when I'm having moments of self-reflection, and I'm concerned about if I'm in the right place, it's memories of all that past dysfunction that help me to see that this is exactly where I need to be - I have so much to learn and share with this man, it will take a lifetime of loving and procreating to get it all in. I believe that's why I wandered in the desert for so long. I come from long lines of women who tucked themselves into themselves in order to keep the peace with their man. I'm not talking about compromise, I'm talking about chronic self-denial. I was weaned on it. I think the Creator offered a way out to me, and this man is the road. All those times I worried if I would find the right place, and here I am.

When we have a home to provide, which if all goes well won't be long, I can worry about silencing that clock. In the meantime, I'll just have to dote on my girlfriends' babies, and hit the snooze button for myself. I don't think I wasted all this time. I would have been a capable mother ten years ago. I would have been a good mother five years ago. But my unborn are blessed to have the person I am now as a mother. I have so much more to give now. I understand love so much better. My faith is so much more balanced. I feel like my life is really just beginning. Now I see why there are so many articles about life beginning at 40. But. One step at a time. Interestingly enough though, the farther I walk on this journey, the more timeless I feel. The less my age matters to me. People ask me how old I am, and I have to actually think before I answer because I'm just not as mindful of it as I was once before. I'm most interested right now in securing a place for us and ours in this world that is safe and has strong roots. I'm most interested in how we work together to make that happen. And even as I write that, I'm just a little taken aback that when I say what I'm most concerned about, it's not a "I/me/my," but a "we/us/ours" statement. Just wow for a second. Just wow.

I need to write more often. I'm glad that lately, I have been writing. I think my writer's block is over. Just in time to catch the good parts.

safe in the house

I haven't really left my home for the past two weekends. I think it's a phase. I like being here. It could be the weather. It could also be not wanting to move my car and having to find another parking space when I come home. I don't know, but I have really just wanted to be in my home. Which is really funny, because between my neighbors and my slumlord, I don't even like my apartment. But hey, it's a space to call my own. I can watch dvd's, knit, call friends and family, watch a little television, read on the internet. It's where I wanna be. But I guess I've always been a homebody. Even when I was going through my going out phase...

the death of us all

It's been my opinion for a very long time that religion will be the tool humans use to kill us all.

My mom had an unsettling dream the other night. She was walking through the city, and there was debris and carnage everywhere. She went to her father's house, and he opened the door holding a book with no pages. That book was the Bible before the pages were all ripped out. He told her that they were going around ripping out the pages - that no one could have the Bible anymore - that people had to pray in hiding. As she told me, it all sounded very much like 1984. It reminded me of what the nuns in school told us about special rosaries invented because of Catholic persecution. My mom told me that she couldn't imagine why she might have had this dream. But I knew why.

She had that dream so that she could tell me about it, and put an emphatic punctuation mark on the end of the thoughts I've been having lately about religion in our society and the failures of tolerance.

I discussed with my mother that I've been noticing intolerance towards people of faith much more often lately. I told her about how I'm ashamed of people like the ones who planned to boycott the president-elect's grandmother's funeral since she raised him, and he is pro-choice. I told her that people like that makes it harder for people of faith everywhere. It's hard to respect people like that, which might be why there seems to be a growing contingent of non-religious people who speak about people of faith and about faith itself with no respect.

I am feeling a tension that scares me. Forget red states and blue states. It's all about Team Faith and Team Faithless. There are extremists on each team, and it seems moderates like myself are either being overlooked or are too silent.

Team Faith's extremists think that their religion gives them a mandate to impose their beliefs on everyone else, regardless of whether everyone else has Constitutional rights to believe or not believe what they want. Some even think that everyone who doesn't believe what they believe has rejected their God and deserves no respect now, in addition the damnation that will surely follow their deaths.

Team Faithless' extremists think Team Faith is a bunch of weak-minded nut jobs who use their superstitions as a crutch. Religion is for the mental midgets so far as they see it. And according to them, the fantasies of religion do way more harm than good because they defy and belittle reason, giving license to the faithful to suspend reality in their own minds. A suspension of reality that serves mainly to self-righteously bully and impose upon the faithless.

Others, the reasonable among both the faithful and the faithless, just want to respectfully live and let live. Good fences, good neighbors, celebrate diversity type stuff. I'd hope most people fit in this category. But it sounds like only the intolerant extremists have anything to say lately. And as long as those extremists continue to go at each other, my mommy's nightmare is sure to come. In one moment, intolerant bigots lobby to keep civil rights from others based on an agenda to make others adhere to their faith. In its counterpoint, intolerant bigots make expressions of faith subject to ridicule in the popular culture in such a way that society becomes hostile to the faithful. Team Faith and Team Faithless will keep tussling until the mushroom cloud goes up.

And what neither side will realize is that the problem isn't that people are brainwashed by antiquated texts or that people are evil because they lack faith in a higher power. The problem is that people on both sides refuse to respect and be tolerant towards the other side.

tolerance works both ways

I have attempted to stay silent about this subject, but I have reached the full extent of my restraint.

Many have been talking about the passage of Proposition 8 in California, which took away the right of gay people in California to have legal marriages. In virtually every discussion of this, a spotlight has been put on black people and people of faith, to state that Prop 8's passing is due to the black folks that came out to vote for Obama. Then inevitably it comes up: black people should be ashamed of denying a civil right to a fellow minority. They, of all people, should have a special sympathy for the plight of oppressed gay couples, because they, of all people, should remember how wrong it was for interracial marriages or slave marriages to be outlawed. They're homophobic! They're using their religion as an excuse for their oppression of gay people! For shame! Foooooor shaaaame.

I don't live in California, so I had no say on Prop 8. Also, I can't reasonably speak for the black people in California, or black people of faith. That said, I take quite a few exceptions to what's being said.

First of all, the numbers that they're using to vilify California's black voters are arguable. People need to stop blaming blacks for California's Prop 8 passage. See a worthy analysis of this point here. I'm not saying that homophobia doesn't exist among blacks, but I am saying that I'm not going to let black people become The Face of Homophobia without putting in my two cents.

As one black Christian, here is my opinion on gay marriage. On a pragmatic level, whether or not marriage for gays becomes legal, gay people will continue to be with each other, and I will continue to try my best to keep from judging them for it based on my beliefs, seeing as how I and most people I know do things that we might be a little uncomfortable telling a pastor or discussing with the Lord. I want to give gay people the same respect that I give others, and to that end, I am not opposed to them being granted the legal privileges and rights that come along with marriage.

Thing is, though, I think that "marriage" is a religious matter. I see the privileges and rights granted by the government in a different light than I see the religious significance of marriage. On the one hand, you get to ride your spouse's health care benefits. On the other, you've created a spiritual covenant under the Lord. I really don't think either of those has much to do with the other. I think that one is under the authority of our government. I believe that the other is under the authority of the Lord, and the best approximation we have to operating under the Creator's order is using the guidance of our respective religious communities.

Imagine then, how torn I might personally feel if confronted with that referendum question. On the one hand, I want gay people to feel free and respected as citizens in their own country. I want them to feel as free as I do as a heterosexual. On the other hand, my spiritual beliefs preclude me from wanting to call a gay union a "marriage" because of what I believe that term to mean, or from even thinking that I have the authority to weigh in on the issue.

I don't even think that question should have gone to referendum in the first place. I think the legality of gay unions is a legal civil rights issue that "regular people" have no business creating law on in the voting booth. When blacks won the full exercise of their civil rights, it was won mostly in the courts. Think about it: in 1954, if the people of Topeka, Kansas were asked by referendum if nigra children should be allowed to attend school with white children, what do you think the result would be? There's a reason that the Brown case was in court. There's a reason that Reconstruction ended when the federal government left the south, and why the Civil Rights Movement became fruitful when the federal government got involved. Sometimes We, The People and our legislatures get it wrong when it comes to our neighbors. Sometimes, high level courts and executive orders are best at carrying out the spirit of what freedom in this country is about, and our constitutional structure is there to balance everything out.

I read a suggestion somewhere that all couples, regardless of sexual orientation, should get "civil unions," and those who seek to have their union ordained by their religion can do so privately. I think that's entirely appropriate. I think that this gay marriage issue may be the best thing to happen for pointing out how ridiculous it is to regularly tout "Separation of Church and State," while allowing judges and courthouse clerks-or-whoever-else to pronounce people "married" after taking vows based on Christian marriage traditions.

Did you notice that I haven't said that I support gay marriage? I didn't say it because I don't. I could likely have voted for Prop 8 myself, and I refuse to be shamed by others for my opinion and my religious beliefs. I am an American. I have the right to my religious beliefs. It's not because I'm homophobic - because I am not. I am neither disgusted by, afraid of, hateful towards, nor superior by any measure to gay people. It's not because I'm black - my black parents and family never taught me to hate anybody. Even though I am in favor of allowing gay couples to legally unite with all privileges and rights if that's what they want to do, I think that there's a better way to handle this than saying, "Let them join, and have the state call it marriage." I think we need to separate marriage and the government for couples of all sexual orientations, and just call all marriage licenses "civil union" licenses. Then people can work out the aspects of what "marriage" and spiritual union means to them on a personal level in their own private lives. This isn't another version of separate but equal. It's all equal, and it keeps our churches and our states as separate as they should be.

There are more reasons besides homophobia or religious intolerance for someone of any race or religion to have voted for Prop 8. There are some hateful people, yes. But there are also some ignorant ones, some misled ones, some people who simply disagree with how the right was given in California in the first place (but not with the right being given). Regarding people who voted against gay marriage because of what they believe, try to understand them. I'm hearing a lot of people talking about how intolerant they are, how blinded they are by their religion, how they're not following Jesus' Golden Rule... it should be obvious that all of that finger-pointing is judgmental. Point your finger, and there are three pointing back at you.

There needs to be dialogue, education, and cooperation, not rhetoric aimed to shame and belittle people based on identity politics. Gay rights activists and social liberals will never get Prop 8 voters to come around if they continue to denigrate them at every turn for who they are and what they believe.

resolution revolution

I fell asleep during Barack Obama's victory speech last night. I really wanted to hear it live on television, but I was exhausted. I got up before the sun, shortly after five a.m. on the morning of November 4, 2008. I had to get to the polls of Philadelphia's Ward 11, Division 16 on Venango Avenue in North Philly before they set up the voting machines. I was an official poll watcher for the Barack Obama campaign. I spent the entire day gathering and transmitting names and numbers and watching for possible voter intimidation and suppression. Pennsylvania was a battleground state, and my job was to make sure that if Pennsylvania turned out to be the 2008 version of Florida in 2000, the Obama campaign would have a detailed record of Election Day's voting process at my assigned polling place.

What a day. I met other volunteers - three election observers had come down from New York City just to help. My polling place had two Divisions, and the volunteer from Division 15 was a nice woman. Then there were the people from the Board of Elections who operated the machines and administered the sign in process. By the end of the day, we had broken bread together and we all felt like old friends.

The polling place was in a building where mostly old people live, and most of our voters were old enough to be my grandparents. The oldest voter who came through my Division was 108 years old. We had octogenarians come out of the booth saying that it was the first time they had ever voted. We had baby-faced teenagers voting for the very first time with pride. By seven o'clock in the morning, when the polls opened, we had dozens eagerly waiting to cast their vote. By eight o'clock in the evening, when the polls closed, we had record turnout for the division, and there was a sense of anticipation like no other. As we shut the machines down, the pundits projected Pennsylvania in favor of Senator Obama and the room erupted with joy.

I took two of the out-of-state election observers, a husband and wife team, "home" to their hotel on my way home. One of them was old enough to remember when John F. Kennedy was elected and said that this election reminded him of that victory. We talked about race relations, foreign relations, and by the end of the conversation, I finally allowed myself to speak optimistically about the possibility of Barack Obama being elected. I imagined traveling down to D.C. in January for the inauguration. The Audacity of Hope is infectious. It took me until Election Day to really allow myself to let go of the pessimism about American race relations that kept me from believing that Obama could win. At least I did so long enough to enjoy watching the returns on TV that night. I had lived through the nightmare after the 2000 election, where we didn't know if Bush or Gore had won for several weeks. I still harbor the belief that that election was stolen, and my impression of voting in this country has been marred ever since. I had to really work hard to be encouraged while watching the results.

Sometime around ten o'clock, I called home to Virginia to talk to my parents, who I knew were eagerly anticipating the results. My mother answered the phone saying that she couldn't sleep. She tried, because she was exhausted from not having received a good night's rest the night before. But she just couldn't relax until she knew the Obama had won. Mom told me that she voted early in the morning after waiting in a line for an hour and a half. I thanked her for not giving up and leaving to get to work on time. She assured me that nothing could have made her leave that line. I know, from having lived in Virginia, that their electoral college votes are usually for the Republicans, and my Mom and Dad's votes could possibly have been outnumbered by Republican John McCain devotees' votes. As Mom and I talked, the television stations were saying that Virginia was "too close to call." Suddenly, NBC called Virginia for Obama! I let out a few hollers! My mom hollered - she wept, she laughed, she sighed! I did along with her, as she burst into the bedroom to wake my sleeping Dad, whose glad words I could hear in the background.

And then, shortly after eleven o'clock, I saw it.

CNN called the ENTIRE election for Barack Obama. I interrupted my mom's rejoicing over Virginia to let her know that he won the whole thing. We were almost silent for a moment, as someone being aroused from sleep would be. I felt as if I was being aroused from sleep. I felt like I was dreaming. I asked my mom if this was real. She didn't know what to say, as we watched people of all colors and ages in Chicago, California, New York, and Kenya jumping up and down, crying, and screaming. Then we followed suit. Tired as I was, I was up off the couch, tears streaming down my face, hopping up and down, babbling like a fool! My mom then announced that she'd seen what she'd stayed up for, and it was time to go to bed.

So I called my grandmother. She'll be 75 this weekend. She's kind of a night owl, so I was surprised to find her in bed. But I got to be the first to tell her that Obama won. Her response sobered me up a little: "I believe it... I believe that. Now all we have to do is pray that he stays safe." There is nothing like the words of the elders for providing perspective, is there? I assured her that I would pray, not long before Senator Obama appeared on television to give his victory speech, and I drifted off to a deep and satisfying sleep myself.

But I don't want to end this re-telling of history on that note. I want to talk about what's really important, starting with a young lady who came into my polling place yesterday evening about an hour before the polls closed. She couldn't have been any older than 21 years old, and her friend, who had already voted, drove this young lady to the polls when she said she hadn't voted. Her reason? She had moved, and she didn't register in her new neighborhood. We told her that her vote would have a better chance of being counted if she voted where she had been registered before. But she didn't want to go to her old polling place, even though her friend and other poll workers volunteered to escort her there. She said she would rather stay at our polling place and vote with a provisional ballot, because at her old polling place, there was, "Trouble there. People shooting."

If Senator Obama is right, then "Yes, we can," make it so that young people can vote without fearing for their lives. We, not "someone," not "them," not "the government," but We, The People. On this, the morning after my countrymen surprised me by picking a biracial black man for President, I am thinking about that young lady, who ultimately chose a paper ballot rather than risk her life to elect him by machine. We all should be thinking about her. We all should continue to use the energy, money, and time that we have donated to get Barack Obama elected in order to get the change that he has been promising us. Because it was We, The People who got him elected, not Obama himself - he couldn't have done it without us. And if we can do that, we can do anything. We can change our communities. We can save our children. We can change the world. As long as we remember that November 4, 2008 isn't the end of anything, but rather, the beginning. I am crying silent tears as I am typing this.

What's your Yes We Can resolution? If you don't have one, make one, and keep it. Resolve to continue being the change you want to see in this world. Be specific, and get to work.

Yes We Can!

just think

Mrs. Dunham

Dear Mrs. Dunham,

I'm poll-watching all day tomorrow for your grandson. I gave money to help his campaign. I'm wearing one of his buttons right now. I was thinking about you earlier today, hoping that you would stay with us long enough to see if your grandson wins, but I guess the Lord had other plans for you. I'm hoping that He comforts those who love you and will miss you, especially your grandson. I lost my grandma eight years ago. Like your grandson, I knew it was coming. But I was so sad to know I'd have to live with her memory and not her hugs anymore. Like your grandson, I was away when my grandma passed too. But I was where she would have wanted me to be, studying in college, fulfilling the hopes and dreams of her and the rest of my family. I visited her before she took her last breath. It was hard knowing I might not see her alive again. And for a while I felt guilty for not having been there on that last day. Until I realized that I knew enough about my grandma's love for me to know better than that. Even now I feel her approval of each of my reaches for more opportunities to become a better self. Your grandson is reaching for one of the biggest opportunities he's ever reached for in his entire life - the chance to serve and make a better place of his entire country. I hope he can move forward in the confidence of knowing that you support what he's trying to do. Mrs. Dunham, please pray with me that God comforts those people that were left behind when the Lord took you. Thank you for your service during the war. Thank you for raising an open-minded and dedicated mother in Ann, and thank you for raising a progressive minded public servant in Barack. You and my grandma have something in common. You were loved, and you will be missed. May God grant you rest and peace.

glory

down ticket

Who are you voting for? And I don't mean for President of the United States. For those of you who, like myself, are not able to vote early and/or who have not voted yet - what other choices will you have to make on your ballot? I took a look at the sample ballot for my voting ward, so that I would know ahead of time. Since every other local election has been relatively quiet in comparison to the Presidential election, I honestly did not know what else might be asked of me as a voter in the booth. Turns out that where I live, "down [the voting] ticket" there are at least two state-wide positions, four referendum questions, and some state general assembly positions that I'm going to have to weigh in on. I'd hate to go in there and just pick people at random, like I used to do when I first started voting and I didn't think about down ticket races until they were literally staring me in the face.

I put some research into my presidential pick. It wouldn't make sense to not put the same amount of effort into the other races and issues! Especially since - no offense to the future President - the next President will probably have less impact on my daily life and weekly paycheck than the locally elected officials that most people put little effort into choosing or monitoring. Every four years, I pay lots of attention to the presidential race. But I'm a little more mature now. I'm paying taxes. I'm going to be starting a family. There is too much at stake for me to fail to pay attention to what's going on with my state assembly and local officials, not just Congress and the President. The next president will not be able to put his hands directly on my local issues! To the extent the next president will change anything in my life, it will happen over time, after filtering down through the various levels of government. Meanwhile, decisions about finance, safety, education, even the water I drink, will be made right here where I live and in my state capital. It would just be stupid to pull the lever for a president and leave the booth thinking I've done my job as a voter.

If I am going to properly pay homage to the role and rights of the citizenship my ancestors fought so hard to give me, not only do I have to exercise my voting privileges, I must also take them seriously and follow through. I traced my family tree and found ancestors who could not read, and who were probably prohibited from voting and having a say in Chesterfield County, Virginia during Jim Crow. They couldn't say their peace. But I can. I have a say!

So, as I've done for the last few elections, I went online and found out who was running down ticket. I checked them out by reading a bunch of different things that matter to me, like experience, records, and platforms, and then I made my best educated guess on which candidates would be best for the positions. (Actually, I'm still deciding on one of them - it's a tough decision, and I'm glad I still have a few days to mull it over). Then I checked out the referendum questions and figured out my yesses and noes. I feel so much better and more responsible now. And if the ultimate winners - up or down ticket - ultimately screw up, I'm coming back to vote them out.

what'd i say

I saaaid....

HOW

'BOUT

THEM

PHILLIES!!!