composing

i've tried to type an entry at least three times by the time i was able to craft this one successfully completed sentence. blogging is harder than i remember. it's just that i don't really have anything i'm persuaded to share about my life, my observations, etc... maybe pulling myself into this hiatus from blogging and poetry performance is changing who i am and how i communicate. or maybe it's just that on this day, where i actually have the time to blog without guilt, of all the days my mind could decide to not be cooperative, this day and this time seem to have been the choice for creative inertia.

one thing about the muses - they cannot be ruled.

it's weird too. i just got off the bus and was listening to my zune media player. comm.on's be was playing, and the sun was shining, and i was walking through my cute little neighborhood and all was just nice. despite the cold weather, it was just a really nice time to have clear thoughts and let someone else's creativity inspire my own. i came in the apartment, dropped my bookbag, and danced to the music, saying the lyrics to the beat, imagining myself as somebody cool, somebody on stage, somebody free of cares besides riding the songs from bar to bar. i listened to the lyrics, how their rhythms flirted with the music and took turns harmonizing and jousting with each other and thought, i could so use this time to be creative and write something.

then come to find out i ain't got no words to cover the predominant conversations of my mind. my city's crime problem. my quest for homeownership. my struggles with discipline and time management. my obligations to my family. having no particular place to be this resurrection sunday. feelings of self-imposed alienation from the arts community i embraced. it's all swimming up in there, but too much for me right now, at this moment as i type, to try to flesh out into something that makes sense to me to type onto this blog.

so i'll end on the thought that sometimes the mind won't cooperate with the feelings. but just because i didn't write a particular song, it doesn't mean that there is no music in me. it'll just have to play on some other day, when i don't have time to write and should probably be doing something else...