just damn

Now this is disappointing.


Dallas police chief apologizes for conduct of officer who drew gun on NFL player outside hospital


Ryan Moats, his wife and her family members were trying to be with his mother-in-law in her last moments and an officer stopped Moats and his wife's grandfather from getting into the hospital in time to say goodbye. I can't imagine how Ryan Moats' grandfather-in-law must feel, missing the death of his daughter over something so trivial, but I feel compassion for this family. I actually watched/listened to the video, and the longer it went on, the more angry I became.

No, you don't want to claim that it was racism that made this cop such an asshole. But this is one of those situations where your gut just tells you what it tells you. Every incident of racism doesn't come with a "N-----" or coon epithet purposely hurled to let the victim know that his race is the reason for the harassment/oppression. Racists know better than to be blatant nowadays, especially when they're on the job. So no, neither I nor anyone else can say without a doubt that this happened because of racism. But this is the kind of stuff that keeps black people suspicious of racism. And this is the kind of stuff that makes people of all colors resentful of police authority. This guy makes cops look bad, even though I still believe that most reasonable officers would have let the family go, much sooner, and without all the self-righteous posturing about what they have the power to do to the driver.

You know what got me? All the officer's talk about Moats' supposed "attitude," especially after the officer was made well aware of the fact that Moats' mother-in-law was dying. It was as if he knew he had been a jerk, but he insisted on shifting the blame to Moats. The officer sounded like an adult lecturing a child about being impertinent... or an old school racist talking down to a black person for not knowing his place.

where i'm at

I've been reading a lot of political news and gossip. Michael Steele needs to resign. Jon Stewart is the man. Joe Scarborough is a punk. Barack Obama has a lot of work to do. Michelle Obama's dress choices don't have anything to do with anything.

I don't know why people are acting like they're surprised that Rihanna is back with Chris Brown. That's how these things tend to work. Most people saying that she's stupid need to fall back - no one knows what they'd do in her shoes because they haven't been in her shoes, and only those who have been in her shoes understand. Only those two can determine whether they'll learn from mistakes made and take steps to grow and heal from past wounds. Why are people still paying attention to Nadya Suleman, really? She bores me. People should have gotten over the initial shock and matured past the she's-a-welfare-queen-self-righteous-accusations that continue to fly around. Meanwhile a bunch of babies need care and raising. Everyone wants to know how she's going to do it by herself. She ain't. She needs help to raise them, and somehow she'll get it. Move right along, people, there's nothing else to see here.

I value my mom's opinion and advice, and I trust her motives and her counsel. Sometimes I don't agree though. And sometimes the things she says stay with me longer than I want them to. We have a really open and candid relationship that I've long been thankful for, but I'm thinking that I want to pull back a little bit. I realized lately that I'm worrying a little bit too much about my judgment based on her commentary, and it's messing with my head. I trust my own judgment. Only I know what makes me happy. I have to learn to take what she says with a grain of salt sometimes.

I'm not a kid anymore, and I haven't been for a while. When I really stop to think about it, I've lived a lot of life - lots of different experiences. I don't pretend to have the wisdom of the elders, but at the same time, I've been growing and changing a lot over these years. Before I know it, I'll look up and realize that I've lived as many years as an adult as I lived as a child. Marriage and motherhood are not far off. I can't let the many lessons I've learned fade into forgotten memories. I just finished reading a novel. Maybe it's time for me to start reading my old diaries - my own personal novel. It may serve as a little refresher course.