reflecting

God answers prayers. His spirit is generous and bountiful. His lessons are wise. His counsel consoles. Knowledge of His word can be the difference between void and fullness. His law is love. His gift is perfect peace. He is awesome and perfect, a sanctuary for those who seek Him.

It's been a good year, full of friends and family, lessons to be learned, and reasons for new hope and inspiration. I am blessed and looking forward to the new year. I am entering 2009 with gratefulness and a sense of purpose about my choices and actions that gives me hope.

If I have resolutions this year, it's to continue to set goals and work diligently to meet them, like I've been doing throughout 2008. It's to listen more intently to the Spirit's guidance, and be still and contemplative more often. It's to continually aim to be my best self, in mind, body, and spirit, for myself and for others.

I wish you a happy, healthy, and prosperous new year!

already

All the stuff that I want to do to have a better life in the New Year are things that I'm working on now. But you can only work on so many things at a time. So I'm moving forward, as time and energy and inspiration permit.

Coulda lost my life this past Friday. God protects. I am grateful for being alive.

Are transition periods real? Feels like to me that something is always in transition. Then maybe it's not so much periods, just a whole life full of transition. I'm just saying.

I'm not planning on traveling for Christmas next year. Period.

Why are garment boxes so hard to find?

Cashmere ain't all that. Really. There is no reason for it to cost as much as it does.

Why do men always come back? You see them. It ends. Time passes. Then they come back. They want to know if you can talk, if you want to go out, if you can help them with this or that. I don't understand it. I'm not one of those people who believes that it's best to burn all bridges regardless of the circumstances. In most circumstances, I'm always willing and able to at least be cordial, and depending on the circumstances, even friendly, with past paramours. Even if I didn't like how the dissolution went down, or if I was the one who broke it off. But I don't understand what it is about men just wanting to know if you are somehow available to them AFTER it's ended. They have all come back in one way or another - each and every one of them. Phone calls, e-mail, passing the word on through a mutual friend. Always. For example, when I was in college, my ex used to go by my parents' house to get in good with my mama. Is it in the man playbook, chapter thirty-one? "After it's over, check in to see if she'll take your call or go out with you or get back with you or help you with something or give it up one more time for old time's sake." I sometimes feel like Chapter 31 is really about starting a no-hard-feelings, let's-be-friends dialogue. Other times I feel like it's because the guy is going through something and he knows you have enough kindness in you to do what the girlfriend he wishes he had would do for him - listen and be a sympathetic kindred spirit. Or maybe other times, it's much less innocuous and really just selfish - he just wants to boost his ego by seeing if he still has an effect on you. I don't know. Men aren't all the same. Every human is motivated by different things. But anyway, isn't there a certain cut off point? Two weeks? Two months? Two years? I wonder.

I'm glad the holiday is coming up. I'm really looking forward to spending some time with my crazy-behind family.

I want to change my hair. I haven't decided how exactly. But it may involve some cut. And it may involve some color.

made me smile

I sent my Christmas cards out last weekend, and I got a text message yesterday from one of my cousins thanking me for the card. But that's not all my cousin said. He said that if I needed anything, I could just call. And that he loved me. And we're really not the kind of family that just goes around saying that all the time, so whenever I hear that, I'm happy to hear it. Warm fuzzies are the best for Christmas.

anchored

Sometimes it's like life is trying to tell you a lie about yourself. Like circumstances are there specifically to get you to doubt your own value. It's up to you to know yourself well enough to stay encouraged about who you are, what you're worth, and what you're capable of. Otherwise you could wind up lost and confused. Greater is He that is within you... you know?

ten years old

I was inducted on December 5, 1998 with fifteen other young ladies. It was the best celebration of my eighteen-year-old life. And the very next day, we had a chapter meeting. Our mama didn't play! I wish it was warm enough to wear my line jacket. I'd have been rocking it all week. I'm officially an old head now, if I wasn't before. LOL!

EE-YIP!
Deep Impact, bka Glory, 10GMFA98

dream world

Did you ever have a dream that just stuck with you?

I had a dream over the weekend that I'm glad I rode out all the way to the end. I had to know what was going to happen next! Even when sounds or movement would make me stir from sleep a little bit, I'd dive back in to stay in the world of my dream. My days, lately, have at least partly consisted of mulling over the story of the dream. I think I had it because of all the television I'd been watching - suspense, science fiction, action - it was really interesting to be a character in a story like that. So interesting in fact, that I've been writing about it. It started at my beloved's suggestion to write the dream down. It became a hunt for answers. Why did this happen? Why does that person think the way they do? What made these people tick? This thing has a life of its own. Will it become a full-fledged story? I dunno - only time will tell if I have the discipline to ride the writing out like I did that dream. But it is fun thinking about and writing about my story and my characters daily.