fare thee well mj

I loved Michael Jackson from the time I was two years old. Thriller was my favorite video. I have several of his albums. The brother had soul. There are plenty of things about his life that I didn't understand from his perspective, but I know he had an extraordinary life and an extraordinary talent. It still hasn't sunk in yet, I think. I think it'll take me a couple of days. But here's a prime example:

Live your best life, and maximize every moment that you can.

loaded

I just ain't had time to blog lately. Shoot, I can barely keep up with reading the blogs I like to read, let alone trying to figure out what I want to blog about. My life is so full right now. I'm working. I'm keeping my house clean. I'm going to church. I'm trying to connect with the things that have made me happy in the past, like spending more time with my friends. My beloved and I need time together. And I'm trying to get enough sleep. So by the time I get to picking up my laptop, it's already late and at most, all I can do is read a few blogs before crashing into sleep. Shoot, I can barely keep up with the news, which is something, 'cause I'd been kind of a news junkie. There ain't enough hours in the day for me to be blogging regularly, though.

I don't mind.

I really don't mind, 'cause I'm glad my life is full. The things I've wanted most are mine - God is continually blessing me. I got love, and a place to call home, and a means with which to make money and pay off these student loans. I got family and friends and I'm making new friends at work and at church. This is what I wanted.

All those years I spent wandering in my twenties, that's the stuff I was searching for. I would lay alone in my bed at night wondering about a man. I was going out as often as I could, looking for community and a place to be myself. I found it, but I was distracted by being sick and tired of being broke and having bills and hating my jobs and knowing I could do more. I was pulling all nighters trying to get a degree. Shutting down my social life trying to get my credentials straight. Worrying about my car breaking down. Scrimping and saving to get myself some financial security. Worrying about when or if it would all come together. Praying for patience. Praying for sustenance, and breakthroughs, and reprieves. Praying for more patience. And one day, after regular spells of unemployment, renting several U-Haul trucks, dealing with jerks wooing me and then deciding not to call me anymore, living in walk-up apartment after walk-up apartment with no air conditioning and raggedy heat, battling back and forth over whether or not I wanted to try a new church, again...

I looked up and I was where I wanted to be. Not long out of the day's church heels. Drinking sweet tea on my own porch. Clean, reliable car in the garage. Dishwasher running. Trees out front giving just enough sun and shade. Just enjoying myself. I'm not lonely. I'm not worried. I'm just blessed. Savings in the bank. Food in the fridge. Central air. Oh, I'm working for it. And praying for it. Praying that God keeps me afloat, and that I don't get the big head - thinking I'm entitled to this much contentment, forgetting how far I've come and how much worse it could be. This Universe don't owe me nothing. I'm thankful. And what's more, I'm not in this alone anymore. I don't have to do everything by myself no more. I'm not carrying my groceries into the house all by myself no more.

It's still a humble life. I could have done better in school, taken a more ambitious career path, and made more money sooner. Or I could have coupled for money instead of love, and dealt with one of those obnoxious types of brothers who just wanted an accessory wife/co-wage-earner he could brag about, instead of a friend and lover who makes me soar and inspires me to be better and likes me the way I am all at the same time. I could have done a lot of things differently. But this is what I wanted. And I feel so wealthy and rich... I mean really wealthy and rich.

I want to travel, and be a mother. I want to go into business for myself. I want to finally get that doggone book published. Learn new things. Make myself useful to someone besides myself and my own household. I feel like as blessed as I am, the world is open to me to grow and explore. It's such an encouraging feeling...

time

In a way I think the elders had it better. No TV, no internet. No hyperstimulation. You can reflect on a lot while shelling peas, or snapping beans, or shucking ears of corn. Maybe too much convenience is a bad thing. I'm not saying I won't ever pop something in the microwave or send a text message again. I'm just saying maybe I need to slow down on conveniences more often.

anybody understand the bailouts?

I'm no economist, and my thinking on such matters is largely uninformed and simplistic. That said, I'm not blogging here as an expert but a citizen who's trying to figure out what is going on. But you know what I think that this government bailout is? Trickle down economics, or as the link I've provided later calls it, the "horse-and-sparrow theory" - feed enough oats to the horse, and eventually enough will pass through so the birdies will have something to eat too. Let the companies that are "too big to fail" not fail by propping them up with government money, so that they don't go out of business, so that "regular people" won't lose jobs and their life savings due to a soured stock market. Except instead of tax breaks being given out like candy to the businesses, as people usually think of when they think of the trickle down economics theory, this time it's accountability breaks. The businesses are supposed to use the money to do better work and stay working. That's supposed to keep the economy from kicking the bucket and kicking our butts.

When I first heard about it, it sounded like a necessary evil to me, you know? My understanding is that the government, especially a Republican administration - and when this bailout stuff started, it started under President Bush (though I believe Senator and Presidential Candidate Obama agreed with the plan) - wouldn't want to participate so directly in the marketplace by giving companies money by buying stock in them. My understanding was that capitalism is all about the best competitors excelling in the marketplace, while the inadequate competitors fall by the wayside, encouraging excellence in competition. So, I figured, if the government, first under Bush and then under Obama, was going to participate in the marketplace by basically "betting" on certain struggling businesses that would hurt the public good if they crashed... well then, this must have been really necessary and our only option. It was all gloom and doom in the news. The stock market had people wigging out. At the time, I wasn't thinking, "This sounds like trickle down economics."

But as time passes, and the money has been given out in amounts much larger than I can even fathom, I am hearing that unemployment is still on the rise, that people are still losing big chunks of their life savings, and that the Congressional Oversight Panel isn't quite sure what's really happening to all this money - only some of it is accounted for and we're still not sure whether the equity the country purchased in these floundering companies will turn a profit, according to Elizabeth Warren of the Congressional Oversight Panel, which is in charge of watching what happens to the money.

I believe we were told that this was the best thing the government could come up with at the time to avoid worse consequences, but that no one knew for sure whether or not it would work. I wonder, would the unemployment gains and personal net worth erosions be even worse if we hadn't done this? Or are the problems we're seeing indicating that this plan isn't working? Is it too soon to tell? Either way, we already know that the businesses have benefited - they got the money. But what about the economy for the rest of us who are trying to hold on to jobs and retirement savings? See, that's been one of the criticisms of trickle down economics. We never know quite exactly when the horse isht produces food for the birds.

don't have to wait

You don't have to wait to thank God for things that you have asked Him to do for you. He is timeless. Go church! for reminding me of that.

You don't have to wait until something scary happens to tell people that you love them.

You don't have to wait for something to change in your life in order to enjoy it for what it is.

communal brain damage

The Field Negro featured a story last night about a young sixth grade boy who was teased in his new school for being active in sports, the boy scouts, volunteering and going to church. It went on for months - calling him gay and teasing his clothes - and it didn't end until he committed suicide. His mother complained to the school. His school hardly did anything. The bullies were relentless. It really hit home for me because my sixth grade bullying experience was so similar. Here is my two cents on the matter, which I originally posted in the Field Negro's comments.

"that wasn't just homophobia. that was communal hatred of the pursuit of excellence. i relate to this boy's story - i went through the merciless teasing that happens when you're the new kid in a school and you stand out for the pursuit of excellence. if i had been a boy, they would have called me gay, too.

the teachers knew i was being teased because of how they fawned over me, but they didn't care, and they continued to do it. i was depressed. i tried to hate myself because everyone else did. i was 10/11 years old. my only resources were my parents. there were no counselors at my private school. and i imagine that this boy begged his mother NOT to come to the school, just like i did, knowing it would only have made the situation worse with the other kids.

he knew the school wasn't going to do anything about the teasing - adults don't take child teasing seriously. they don't see a line between friendly teasing and the chronic kind between enemies that makes you depressed and suicidal. they don't even think kids would get depressed like i did, or suicidal, like this young man. they think eventually the bullies will tire of the game, and that the victim will get over it with the resiliency adults think all children have. i can tell you that is not how it works. it took me years to get over what happened to me in the sixth grade. years.

and part of the problem is that black people, in fact low-income people of any race (whether or not they have pastors) often don't take mental illness seriously. it may not have occurred to this boy's mom that a shrink was necessary. she probably had no suspicion that he was so far gone that he would ever be tempted to kill himself. and her son probably covered it well by continuing to put on a front that nothing within him was changing. that's what i did. sometimes i would cry or complain, but when i realized nothing could be or would be done by adults, like when i was molested by another child, or when i was teased mercilessly at school, i got real stoic, and covered my inner turmoil as best i could.

some of our children are suffering in silence because they don't see any other way.

and too many adults don't think of bullying as life-or-death, wellness-or-illness dangerous to the well being of a victim. especially in low income black communities, where hazing is done both within the home and in the neighborhood from early ages, to harden children and make them tough enough for a world seen as inherently hostile. nobody wants their kid to be the soft one, and in the minds of parents like these, whoever their kid is picking on could probably use the toughening up, anyway, since the victim's parents obviously didn't do a good enough job of it. i have a friend whose three year old son is being targeted - not by strangers but by his own grandmother and father - as needing to toughen up. they don't want him to cry or ever act like his feelings are hurt. at three.

homophobia is part of the problem, yes, because of the 'gay' label, which children aren't just using for labeling homosexuals, but for any behavior they see as out of the stereotypes of what it means to be black, or appropriately hard - sometimes it doesn't have anything to do with gayness, but the fact that it connotes gayness is an added emphasis or bonus to the slur. 'not only are you acting like a soft white boy, but you like boys, too.'

this is a multifaceted problem that can't be solved by a lawsuit, or prayer without action, or a bunch of shrinks. it is a societal and cultural problem."

I survived my situation by the grace of God. I suppose I was resilient enough to keep taking it everyday without losing myself in the process. I got a into a fight with one of the popular girls, and afterwards, they respected me a little more, even though they still didn't like me. I shouldn't have had to physically fight and get in trouble to get respect - I was lucky it was one on one and that I didn't get jumped. I managed to make a few friends, which made avoiding the bullies easier. After a year, the worst of it passed. The next two years weren't as bad as the first. Mercifully, I then made it to high school where the teasing wasn't nearly as bad, since everyone there was reaching for good grades and college. But I was affected by distrust of my peers, insecurity, low self-esteem, and unsolicited hostility as a preemptive measure at least for the next four or five years after that. And looking at this young man's situation, I guess I got off easy.

fade to... well, not black

It's fair to say that when I was growing up, I watched way too much television. I was a bookworm and I wasn't an athlete. I preferred my own company to the company of some of the catty little girls who lived on my block, so that kept me in the house. So I loved watching television. Unlike my mom and dad, who grew up either without television, or with few and fleeting blacks on TV, there were lots of shows I could watch that had either lead black character or majority black casts that were either taping or were in syndication.

Among them were Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids, Gimme a Break, The Jeffersons, Good Times, The Cosby Show, A Different World, 227, Amen, What's Happening, What's Happening Now, Benson, and Sanford and Son, just off the top of my head. Eventually I guess the major networks got tired of shows featuring blacks and the only place to find them were on the fledgling networks, which at that time included Fox, the WB, and UPN, which later merged with WB to become CW, by the time I was a teenager. These shows included New York Undercover, In Living Color, The Wayans Bros., Living Single... Occasionally, a major network show would pop up, like Family Matters, The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, or rarely found black dramas, like City of Angels. I remember this one drama about a family with James Earl Jones in it - that didn't last long at all. There was another with Terrence Howard and Anna Maria Horsford that didn't get off the ground. There were lots of shows with black casts that didn't stick around long or like The Smart Guy and Girlfriends, got shuttled from network to network. The biggest sitcoms at the time didn't have any black characters in them at all. And most of the blacks you did find would be in multiracial ensemble casts, like on ER, or Boston Public, a trend which continues with Heroes, 24, House, Grey's Anatomy, Scrubs... I could go on. I guess we stopped being funny or interesting when I was a teenager.

We must really not be interesting now. In recent years, I can count network shows with black casts quickly and easily, and except for The (still underrated) Bernie Mac Show, they were all relegated to the fledgling network, CW. Girlfriends. Everybody Hates Chris. The Game. One on One. All Of Us. If you want to see black folks on TV, you better catch some old shows in syndication or get yourself some cable, 'cause all but one of those shows has been cancelled, and the one - ONE - remaining network show on TV with a majority black cast, The Game, is hanging on for dear life. I can't say it enough - ONE. It's not completely lonely on TV if you have cable, though. Tyler Perry's sitcoms - you know, the ones I can't sit through - are on TBS and running in syndication already on the fledgling MYNetworkTV. And I hear there's an actual family drama on the ABC Family channel called Lincoln Heights that's still in production for a couple more seasons. That's nice, and somewhat shocking. Of course, if you're into reality shows, there's plenty of black folks on those. Ray J/Flavor Flav meet supposedly-unscripted 'hoes", supposedly-unscripted "hoes" meet Ray J/Flavor Flav. Notice I haven't mentioned BET. As I understand it, they just seem to have reality shows in production. I'm talking about drama and comedy. Thank goodness for relative newcomer TV One, which picks up all the shows we miss that were cancelled too early, moved to bad time slots to be destined for failure, or simply not promoted well. But right now who is actually writing and producing stories about blacks and their families?

Anyway, I just want to say that I'm glad I grew up in what seems to be shaping up as the golden age - the peak, if you will - of being able to see black folks on television. There are people trying to save The Game now, by trying to convince the network to change it into an hour-long drama (since CW wants to quit sitcoms), and I hope it works. If it doesn't, there won't be any more majority black casts on TV. Wow. Unless, you know, one of the fledgling networks - which is pretty much just MYNetworkTV at this point - comes up with something for the 2009 fall season only to make enough money off advertising to black viewers to afford dumping them in 2011 to produce something more "mainstream." Which is funny to me because it's well known we black folks tend to be more loose with our disposable income than others. You'd think we'd be an audience worth keeping. And you'd think that the "mainstream" would be just as entertained by black casts now as they used to be when I was a kid. Oh well. What do I know?

I guess I better snap up some black shows on DVD for my unborn children.

style

I'm bout sick and tired of seeing Michelle Obama's name in the same sentence as "style" and "fashion." I'm not saying that she isn't stylish or fashionable, or that I think it's a bad thing per se to mention that she is. Shoot, I love to see pictures of her in the press myself. But something doesn't sit right with me about all the chatter about fashion. Seriously, it's like I'd rather they not mention her if all they're going to say, again, is that she's fashionable. Now I know that it's a conscious choice that she's making on her part to be a major policy advocate or to take an official advisory role in the President's administration. And maybe if she served more in that capacity, then maybe the press would have more occasion to talk about something other than what she's wearing. But still. I don't know. It's just starting to sound like a broken record. Is it just me?

edited: i meant to say that she made a choice NOT to be a major policy advocate or advisor. guess i was typing too fast. my apologies.

just damn

Now this is disappointing.


Dallas police chief apologizes for conduct of officer who drew gun on NFL player outside hospital


Ryan Moats, his wife and her family members were trying to be with his mother-in-law in her last moments and an officer stopped Moats and his wife's grandfather from getting into the hospital in time to say goodbye. I can't imagine how Ryan Moats' grandfather-in-law must feel, missing the death of his daughter over something so trivial, but I feel compassion for this family. I actually watched/listened to the video, and the longer it went on, the more angry I became.

No, you don't want to claim that it was racism that made this cop such an asshole. But this is one of those situations where your gut just tells you what it tells you. Every incident of racism doesn't come with a "N-----" or coon epithet purposely hurled to let the victim know that his race is the reason for the harassment/oppression. Racists know better than to be blatant nowadays, especially when they're on the job. So no, neither I nor anyone else can say without a doubt that this happened because of racism. But this is the kind of stuff that keeps black people suspicious of racism. And this is the kind of stuff that makes people of all colors resentful of police authority. This guy makes cops look bad, even though I still believe that most reasonable officers would have let the family go, much sooner, and without all the self-righteous posturing about what they have the power to do to the driver.

You know what got me? All the officer's talk about Moats' supposed "attitude," especially after the officer was made well aware of the fact that Moats' mother-in-law was dying. It was as if he knew he had been a jerk, but he insisted on shifting the blame to Moats. The officer sounded like an adult lecturing a child about being impertinent... or an old school racist talking down to a black person for not knowing his place.

where i'm at

I've been reading a lot of political news and gossip. Michael Steele needs to resign. Jon Stewart is the man. Joe Scarborough is a punk. Barack Obama has a lot of work to do. Michelle Obama's dress choices don't have anything to do with anything.

I don't know why people are acting like they're surprised that Rihanna is back with Chris Brown. That's how these things tend to work. Most people saying that she's stupid need to fall back - no one knows what they'd do in her shoes because they haven't been in her shoes, and only those who have been in her shoes understand. Only those two can determine whether they'll learn from mistakes made and take steps to grow and heal from past wounds. Why are people still paying attention to Nadya Suleman, really? She bores me. People should have gotten over the initial shock and matured past the she's-a-welfare-queen-self-righteous-accusations that continue to fly around. Meanwhile a bunch of babies need care and raising. Everyone wants to know how she's going to do it by herself. She ain't. She needs help to raise them, and somehow she'll get it. Move right along, people, there's nothing else to see here.

I value my mom's opinion and advice, and I trust her motives and her counsel. Sometimes I don't agree though. And sometimes the things she says stay with me longer than I want them to. We have a really open and candid relationship that I've long been thankful for, but I'm thinking that I want to pull back a little bit. I realized lately that I'm worrying a little bit too much about my judgment based on her commentary, and it's messing with my head. I trust my own judgment. Only I know what makes me happy. I have to learn to take what she says with a grain of salt sometimes.

I'm not a kid anymore, and I haven't been for a while. When I really stop to think about it, I've lived a lot of life - lots of different experiences. I don't pretend to have the wisdom of the elders, but at the same time, I've been growing and changing a lot over these years. Before I know it, I'll look up and realize that I've lived as many years as an adult as I lived as a child. Marriage and motherhood are not far off. I can't let the many lessons I've learned fade into forgotten memories. I just finished reading a novel. Maybe it's time for me to start reading my old diaries - my own personal novel. It may serve as a little refresher course.

think, damn it!

I am angry with many people's responses to this situation where Chris Brown was arrested for allegedly hitting a woman, who is reported to be Rihanna.

People have been saying that R did something to make her attacker beat her up. Unless she physically balled up her attacker's fists and busted herself upside the head with them, that makes absolutely no sense. If she somehow angered CB while they were in a car, his proper response would have been to pull over and leave the woman on the sidewalk calling a taxi if that's what it took to keep from going upside her head with a closed fist. Yes, some women are crazy enough to provoke a man and try to get him angry. And that is wrong. But even so, anyone with an above-junior-high-school mindset is supposed to have enough restraint to walk away and not catch a case.

First, the nasty rumor about why he hit her is a RUMOR. I personally think jealous outsiders made it up to malign one or both of them because they made a cute couple. Neither R nor CB has had much to say in public about this, so I doubt this rumor came from either of them - I distrust any other source. Second, if the rumor was truthful it STILL wouldn't be an excuse for violence.

This is killing me. A woman gets her nose bloodied and her lip busted by someone with martial arts training, and some people's first response is to say, "Well what did she do wrong to cause someone to beat her up?" That is DYSFUNCTIONAL and scary.

This aspect of our culture is what makes people ignore women when they have been raped or molested. And it's not just men, it's women being contemptuous against other women, teaching their sons not to trust women, taking their sons' side when they disrespect women by beating them, cheating on them, or abandoning their fatherly responsibilities. To justify it, they jump on the bandwagon saying dumb stuff like, "That fill-in-the-blank was messing with my son/brother/friend," without trying to be objective about the fact that the woman has a side of the story too. Men and women alike are justifying mistreatment of women because they're working with the stereotype of the conniving Jezebel - perpetuating the stereotype that women are untrustworthy, deceitful, and deserving of violent treatment. And then when something pops off, people want to look the other way, saying it's none of their business, or claiming "Well, we don't know what really happened." Funny how the same people saying we don't know what happened are the first ones to insinuate that it was the woman's fault - I thought we didn't know what happened! Both R and CB have a story, and it makes no sense to just jump on R because she's the woman, yet that's exactly what's happening.

I don't know what happened between R and CB. Hopefully, the facts will come out in court. And if CB actually did what the reports are saying he did, he should be punished. He's young and can get counseling and do better. He's a victim of witnessing abuse, just like me, and he probably needs the counseling. And if the rumors are true about R provoking him somehow, then she should get some counseling too.

We have to do better. I have to wonder if our communal focus on racial equality and respect sometimes distracts us from working on achieving gender equality and respect as well. We will continue to live in a climate that is dangerous to our mothers, sisters, and daughters if we continue to blame the women who get beat up for what someone else did to them of their own free will.

(I wrote another version of this rant in The Black Snob's comment section.)

how's it going

This is my 401st post.



Diva in Demand wanted to know how the year has been going so far. Here's my unabridged answer:



Well, so far, I think the patience lesson the Lord has been trying to teach me is finally making headway. But I got some ways to go, still. But I am more patient with my beloved, and less likely to obsess over things that don't matter. There are dirty clothes in the bedroom. I will wash them when I get home. When I feel like it. I can relate to Diva in Demand here.


Being in a new place, physically, is already doing wonders for my satisfaction with my life. I moved, and I have an office of my own, and my stuff is out of storage, and I can chill on my college furniture, surrounded by my inexpensive but sentimental treasures again. I just unpacked Humphrey, a bear I've had since before I could talk. He's been everywhere with me. And now we both have a new home. It's hard to leave home for work in the morning. I love the way the sun shines in the windows and the way the colors of the furniture and the walls and the floors make me feel warm and well and happy. I haven't felt this way in years, and I appreciate it so much.


I haven't made a move towards the healthier body I covet, yet, but my procrastination actually has a good reason. Next month's birthday will not come and go without that task being addressed. At my heaviest, I'd gained almost 20 pounds since I started college. I could afford to, because I was too bony and I wanted to gain weight. But not this weight. I've got non-muscular, slowing-my-metabolism weight. I want to wear a bikini this summer without being self-conscious. That will happen. I have to get in shape BEFORE I get pregnant, so that my baby can grow in a healthy body. And I will get pregnant. Not now, but soon enough. (That's my new thing - "soon enough.")


I opened myself to a new possibility regarding my career. I bet a lot of people are doing the same now. I have goals to meet, and the status quo is not an option if I'm going to meet them. To meet my goals, I have to make the money, period. Funny thing is that most of them have less to do with material gain than they have to do with peace-of-mind - debts paid off, savings in the bank, the ability to make decisions without worrying about how I'm going to pay for them. I think wealth will be a natural outgrowth of good financial habits and the pursuit of my talents. I probably won't ever be stinkin' rich, but I still want to at least smell a little bit.


I am still hitting snooze on my ticking biological clock... but not so much that I'm not making arrangements for my family a consideration in my current decision-making. It's coming...



2007 was a year of change, if I remember correctly. 2008 was all about fruition. 2009 is a different animal altogether. In a sense, I'm in a holding pattern - it's like the time between harvest and planting season. I gotta get my ground ready.

Interview

1. If you want to participate, leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.” (And your e-mail address, please.)
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

My questions came from Diva in Demand.

What is the one thing you regret most in life?

Not being more demonstrative with people that I loved and cared about before they died. It's important to me to try to keep up the ties that bind.


Tell the details of the most most memorable day of your life so far?

I was ten years old and attending a school I hated where all the other kids teased me. After school one day, I saw my parents were there to pick me up, so instead of going to the bus, I hopped in the car. That's when I found out that we were going on a trip back down south! My uncle was coming back from the Persian Gulf War and the family - all my dad's brothers and sisters, all my cousins, everybody - was going to be there to welcome him home. We decorated his house with yellow ribbons and went as a family to wait for him. My dad, who'd driven the farthest, even got interviewed by the local newspaper! And there was lots of food. And popsicles! I remember thinking, after we went to my uncle's house and I was outside playing among all my cousins on the swing, that it was the most wonderful day of my whole life... and then I got a monster allergy attack and it ruined the whole moment. It's funny now, but it wasn't then!

You're planning your perfect day.......tell us about it?

I am getting married outdoors to my beloved. My two best friends are my attendants. My grandma and parents and his mom are all there, in addition to a few friends and family. It's early autumn and the trees are beautiful, and so am I. My skin is clear, my hair is done, and I'm not carrying any water weight! LOL! I woke up nervous and excited today, I'm in a simple but pretty dress, and I just want to get to the part where he kisses me in front of everybody. We have the short and sweet ceremony, smash a little cake on each other, and then join our families in eating southern American and West Indian soul food. We are going on honeymoon to a quiet, non-touristy place tonight, with the security of knowing that when we come back, there will be no wedding debt.

The ship's going down and you can only grab 5 things before you have to get off and go to the island....what do you take?

A blanket, 'cause I can't stand being cold. My beloved, 'cause I couldn't bear to see him go down in the water. My bible, 'cause it'll probably be the only thing to keep me sane in the long run. Some food to tide me over, 'til I can figure out how to feed myself. And music.


The secret video is out.....who do you call first and why?

My beloved. 'Cause nobody else matters. We'll figure out what to do together.

rest

Do not sacrifice rest. It ain't worth it. I am much less effective in every area of my life unless I've had enough rest. Now there's a resolution for you, if you want one.